Showing posts with label rambling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rambling. Show all posts

Monday, May 15, 2017

lately


lately
I've been trying to avoid sugar and it's pretty hard.
like, not very fun.
errrrr.
whyyy I'm I doing thiss...

ohh, also I'm really craving cheese pizza.


lately
I took the SAT and felt so, adult.
I'm sure I failed one of math sections because my brain fell out of my head.
Also, I didn't have any coffee that morning.


lately
I've been obsessed with the book of Habakkuk.
Like, I'm just a little bit in and I'm so blown away with the depth.
The parallels of my life are staggering,
so I'm trying to drink in it's wisdom.


lately
I've been rehearsing for my dance school's production of ALICE.
I have no idea what's happening.
No idea.


lately
I've been thinking about the future and how all my friends are graduating and leaving me.
*sniffffffffff*
wow.
There're all so beautiful, old, and talented and all these graduation announcements are making me sappy.


so what has your 'lately' been looking like?


Sunday, April 9, 2017

remember to feel the sun

There is something healing about the sunshine.
It peaks out, chasing away the clouds.
It shines bright and warm, illuminating through the grey blanket that has blurred reality for so long.

The sun comes and reminds me that bones do thaw.
It paints to sky blue and lures people outside,
our lungs craving to be filled with oxygen.



I've been sad lately.
The sad that seemingly comes from nowhere, yet looms and cripples me.
I miss my dear friend who died six months ago.
My heart aches from the pain and loss and trauma that is all so very fresh.

It's seemed impossible to leave my house, much less plan the next five years of my life.

But the sun pokes out,
and shines high and bright.
It evaporates rain,
burns out darkness,
reminding me that
flowers can still bloom.
the sun still rises
and God doesn't keep us in the rain forever. 

Sunday, March 26, 2017

don't be a victim [thoughts on love/attention neediness]


Sometimes we sit and watch other people take attention.
They take take take.
And usually it's justified,
but sometimes it's not.

Nerveless, we watch.
And sometimes, I want/need some of that love too.
So I silently begin to feel hurt.
I harbor resentment on why no-one reads my mind.
Why no one-cares enough to give me love and attention.

But that's exactly it-
people aren't mind readers.
Your friends are all psychologists,
analyzing your every finger twitch,

So please, let's stop being victims.
Stop watching
and being sad
and feeling hurt and alone.

Stand up, you strong and valuable woman,
For you are absolutely worthy of love and attention-
your heavenly father hears your every ache.
You are loved.
You are valuable.
And you are absolutely not alone.
  

Thursday, March 16, 2017

hey there tired soul

hey there tired soul.
these days are long, jam packed with routine and deadlines.
coffee is frequent, sleep is not.
and we pull ourselves together.
and it goes
on
and on
and on.

so, you tired soul,
take a breath.
come on, just do it.
in through your nostrils.
now out through your mouth.

one more time.

feel that?

your hearts still beating,
waiting to hear the next chapter.
your lungs still fill,
giving you what you need to take the next breath.
and God is still good,
holding you tight,
you tired, weary soul. 

Thursday, February 9, 2017

being raw in a pulled-together world




In all reality, the past few weeks have contained long, hard days.
Teary, emotional, gut wrenching, make you want to hide-in-a-hole-for-no-apparent-reason kinda days.
I sat in my car and screamed between sobs.
I vocalized questions that I will never know the answers to.



And then suddenly the earth is covered in a sparkling white blanket.
Everything was canceled.
People were stuck.
And all I could do was stare out of the snow globe,
sip coco and Facebook stalk.

Sit in the quiet.
Breathe a little.
Put on my smartwool.
And remember that it's necessary to stop and breathe.

Because at some point,
I've got to postpone putting my big-girl pants on.
Stop pulling it together.
Open the bottled emotion. 



I had a meltdown over the phone a few days ago.
And as I hung up, I told myself that the meltdown was over.
get it together Elissa
everything's fine and I'm just being hormonal.

But I think I was wrong.
I'm learning that I have to stop constantly pulling-it-together,
and allow myself to be a little raw.

Friends, this is me being raw.
I usually like to write posts a safe distance away from the uncomfortable, so I can wrap it in a pretty bow for you.
I try to give resolution and show God's hand.

But life doesn't always have immediate resolution.
And I think it's so so so important to remember that God's hand is in both the pretty and the dirty, whether we see it or not.

So I'm gonna try be a little raw for a while.
I'm going to talk about it.
I'm going to remember that
God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; 
God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 
God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, (1 corth. 1:27-28)
I challenge you to do the same.




Friday, January 27, 2017

MY VLOG IS HERE *EVERYONE CHEERS*

YOU GUYS, I FINALLY MADE A VIDEO AND I'M ACTUALLY GOING TO SHARE IT WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!     AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a few thoughts/disclaimers:
i look bald
i make a werid smacking/pooching sound with my lips in-between sentences
my little brother is practicing his piano in the background
i say "like" alot and sound, like, uneducated
and what is even happening with my eyebrows

So now I will shut up and stop being insecure and let you grab some tea and watch the q & a!!




let me know what questions I missed, and let me reply to all you beautiful people! 

Monday, October 17, 2016

blur


A very close friend committed suicide two weeks ago.
Two weeks that contained years, yet I still have to remind myself of the horror that took place.

You guys, I am completely shattered.
My heart is broken, and I'm semi-numb to reality.

This is a mess.
A tragic, dark mess.

I'm struggling to form words, much less coherent thoughts.
I have a pile of school work glaring at me.
I keep waking up throughout the night.
I keep glancing and thinking I see her.

Her dutch braids.
Plaid shirt.
Kaiki pants.
Eyelashes that make you rethink your life.
Smile that lets up the room.

But then I remember her perfect body laying in the casket.

And the reality punches all over again.

You guys, we are shadows here on earth.
Your life contains infinite value.
So.
Much.
Value.

You are precious.
Important.

And there are far
far
far
better things ahead.

xoxoxo

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

big thoughts


why am I scared of what God will take away if I daily lay myself down?
what's it that I'm gripping, 
hording for myself? 
what do I want control over? 
selfishly planning according to my ideas and agendas. 



honestly, these questions go deep. 
so deep that I want to push away, 
fearful and un-trusting, 
avoiding eye-contact. 

they humble me from pride. 
 strip me of my exterior. 

and yet I still push. 

I still think God might rob me of joy and goodness. 

I think he will convict me of sin I'm comfortable with. 

I think I just might have a better idea for my life then him.

^^that?

it's all stupid. 

our Daddy isn't a thief of joy.
he hates what separates us from him. 
and with him, we can completely fulfill the life we were designed to live. 

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Hairy Legs are the Fruit of Singleness

I had a life-changing moment today.

I went to roll up my tights between dance classes and I realized I had the legs of a chimpanzee.
"No," you think to yourself as you read this. "She's just a giant exaggerator."
I beg to differ.

I showed it to one of my sweet and sensitive friends who promptly replied with "Oh wow. Wow."
Not, "Oh, it's not that bad," or the classic, "I could only see it if I looked supper closely."
No. 
"Oh wow."

I almost send a picture to my friend, only to realized it is almost a half inch long.
A freaking half inch long.
In my defense, we have been out of shaving cream and I refuse to use soap to shave my legs.
buttttt........I also absolutely detest shaving me legs so yeah

And then the thought occurred to me.
"What if I'm single because I currently have hairy legs?"
"What if I have no valentine because my calves could be mistaken for those of a woolly mammoth?"

As the panic rushed through my veins, I assured myself that I'm not single because I currently have hairy legs. And although my chimpanzee legs may be a bit frightening, I don't think my hairy legs are the cause of my lack-of-boyfriend.
They are the fruit of my lack-of-boyfriend.


"What?!?!?!? Well shave those legs you single Pringle," you may say as Febuary 14th quickly approaches. "That will get you ready to mingle in no time!"

But hey, you know what else is the fruit of my singleness?
Extreme chocolate consumption.
Decent grades.
Close girlfriends.
The ability to watch all the rom-com and musicals I want.

 
  This Valentines day I'm celebrating the amazing love of Jesus, chocolate, and hairy legs.
Care to join me?


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                  Thanks for visiting Letters to Jayna! Please take a moment to comment and let me know you were here! Also, if you like what you see, feel free to follow my crazy ramblings on Blogger, Google+, Bloglovin', and Pinterest. Blessings!                                  

Friday, October 2, 2015

fashion friday- casual fall clothes


Hey, it's October! Craziness! These pants are my new favorite (well, all new things are my new favorite.. ;) but when I went to get them on at 6:07am last week, I realized the lady forgot to take the security tag off. Annoying, especially at 6 in the morning. Now that I am binge wearing them, I'm falling in love with them.

They are the perfect addition to a cozy fall sweater, or a lighter cotton shirt.

Enjoy!













shoes- Bass/pants- H&M/shirt- Gap/sweater- Target

Q: What is your favorite fall clothing item right now?

thanks for visiting Letters to Jayna! Please take a moment to comment and let me know what you think :) If you like what you see, fee free to follow me on Bloglovin', Blogger, or Google+


Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Discover new blogs- Liebster Award


Hello friends! Yesterday I was nominated for the Liebster award by Mikayla from The Bubblegum Ballerina.  The purpose if this is too meet and discover new blogs, and I am so excited to participate. Read on to hear the answers to the questions Mikayla asked me! 


1. What is the funniest thing you've done this week? 
      This wasn't as much funny as humiliating at the time, but looking back, it was kind of funny. My mom and I were out running errands, and one of our stops was Target. We each found what we needed, and met up at the checkout. My mom, upon realizing she had forgotten to grab something, left me with our cart in line. The only checkout line open. I started checking out our stuff, and pretty soon I was left with two things in the card. Two packages of pads. Lots of pads. I hand the packages to the 20-something checkout guy, (without making eye contact) and he proceeds to plop them right on top of the cart. And my mom is still not back. The line has grown. I'm standing, waiting awkwardly while everyone in line is staring at the pads in my cart. I just wanted to scream, "I HAVE SISTERS, okay?!?!?!?" It was terrible.  


2. Are you on summer break? If so, what are you doing with your free time? 
     I am on summer break for the most part; twiddling my thumbs. No, I have been heavily rehearsing for a show that just ended this weekend. I've also been babysitting :) 

3. What is ONE of your favorite songs? 
     Hmmm, I am definitely a music junkie. However, I'm a bit obsessed with the music from The Lion King right now, and I especially love They Live in You.





   
4. If you could do anything right now, what would it be? 
     Buy a plane ticket to Hawaii, and vist my friend Jayna. Who doesn't want to go to Hawaii?
 
5. What book(s) are you reading right now? 
      This is kind of embarrassing, but I recently picked up some of the Miss. Piggle Wiggle books. These where childhood favorites of mine, and I am loving rereading them! I've also been trying to make a habit of picking up my Bible regularly, which is serving me well. :)
 
6. What's your favorite part of blogging? 
      Hmm, I definitely enjoy most aspects of blogging, so it is hard to pick a favorite! However, by far the most rewarding thing is receiving comments from readers who were able to relate to my content, and be encouraged. It makes my day, every time!
 
7. What are some of your blogging goals? 
      Well, my number one goal is to write helpful content that reminds readers that they are not alone! I try to be honest and vulnerable in my writing, because as young women, it is easy to isolate ourselves and feel like we are the only ones.  
      Selfishly, I would love to grow my readers, but if I can touch one heart through this blog, then it is worth it.
 
8. What's the hardest part about blogging for you? 
      Staying motivated to post frequently. I sometimes wonder if anyone even reads this silly, little blog, and I can certainly make a number of excuses to not post.
 
9. What is your favorite word?
      As far as sounds, and the English language goes, definitely the word prologue. But love is another important word to me. I write it on little notes to myself everywhere.
 
10. Could you share a miscellaneous fact about yourself for us?
       I love to play violin and piano. Not at the same time. Is that lame?
 
11. Sweet or unsweetened tea?
        This is a trick question! Sweet tea is too sweat, but I can't stand unsweetened tea unless the tea itself is good tea. So does unsweetened tea, with some raw sugar count?

I would like to nominate the following bloggers:



   Elizabeth at Whimsical Thoughts 
Jayna at Letters to Elissa


I will be sending questions your way!



Thank you so much for stopping by my piece of the internet! Please take a moment to follow me though Blogger, Google+, and Bloglovin. I look forward to hearing from you! 

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

29 Thoughts I Had This Weekend


1. Horrayyyyyyy!!!!
2. I made it!
3. Cramp
4. Crap.
5. There is no way I'm going to spend the weekend cramping
6. Advil sounds like  plan
7. Heating pads are good
8. It's really cold.
9. How am I going  to think if it's cold
10. Why do they make kids do a certain number of hours doing school?
11. Technically, couldn't your parents just forge your high school diploma?
12. I wish my parents were sneaky like that
13. But then I would be really dumb
14. Dumber then I am now
15. Can you fake smart?
16. I don't think so
17. Some homeschoolers are no schoolers
18. They don't really do anything
19. Maybe I should check Facebook instead of send this important e-mail
20. I don't think it's that big of a deal
21. I just see if I have any updates
20. Wait.
21. That's her new profile picture?
22. Wowzers
23. Quite the hpmm-boob-cough picture
24. Oooooohhhhhhhh, BuzzFeed quiz
25. I wonder what type of car suits my personality the best
26. No way
27. That's not right
28. I need to take it again
29. Ohhhhhhhhhh, another quiz!!!

Sunday, January 4, 2015

the Wraping Up of Christmas

{my older sister Rachel and I, era 2002}

Ahh. We made it though New Year's people. I'm don't have anything against the holidays, and frankly, it's always a little sad when December is over. But this year, it was kind of like a marathon. Exhausting. Totally exhausting. 
  
   Party after party. The Nutcracker that I wasn't able to dance in. Exams. Getting my wisdom teeth out so my face could look great for Christmas photos. Seriously people. I look like a over weight chipmunk in 97% of the pictures. And then, the never ending list of gifts to buy. Okay, question: what do you do when a loose friend gets you some nice gift? And you are like, totally unprepared, much less have a gift for them. Awkward. 

    But because my birthday is also in December, it is kind of the gift jackpot for me.
I got this sweater-

  My mom was on a fuzzy kick this year, which is great because fuzzy usually equals warm. And it has been feeling like the Arctic tundra lately. 




And you thought I was lying about the cheeks. 

So yeah. Now it's on the science fair panic and 25 page reports. The microscope has become part of  my room decor. And rubber gloves. Classy, I know.


    There you go friends- my after Christmas ramblings:-)
What about you? How was your December?

       -Elissa