Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Sunday, March 26, 2017

don't be a victim [thoughts on love/attention neediness]


Sometimes we sit and watch other people take attention.
They take take take.
And usually it's justified,
but sometimes it's not.

Nerveless, we watch.
And sometimes, I want/need some of that love too.
So I silently begin to feel hurt.
I harbor resentment on why no-one reads my mind.
Why no one-cares enough to give me love and attention.

But that's exactly it-
people aren't mind readers.
Your friends are all psychologists,
analyzing your every finger twitch,

So please, let's stop being victims.
Stop watching
and being sad
and feeling hurt and alone.

Stand up, you strong and valuable woman,
For you are absolutely worthy of love and attention-
your heavenly father hears your every ache.
You are loved.
You are valuable.
And you are absolutely not alone.
  

Monday, January 23, 2017

15 resons you're worth it


  1. because you have talent
  2. you hold power
  3. because you give
  4. you are beautiful
  5. you are unique
  6. you are loved
  7. your light shines from within
  8. you have joy
  9. you contain forgiveness
  10. because you make people laugh
  11. you have admirers
  12. you are smart
  13. you are loved
  14. you are so so special
  15. you're worth it. so very worth it.

Saturday, August 6, 2016

the girl in the screen


I walk up to my room, empty of laughter and whispers, yet so full of things that call out their last use.

The paint brushes we used until 3:30am making water-color hand-lettering.
The chocolate cookies we ate compulsively.
Her cup of water.
A beautiful card that I still haven't actually read because I could only get two sentences in.
Two black flip-flops, one with a redneck contraption resulting from: first night of mission trip/long walk/broken shoe/hairband/a future engineer.
A pink notebook.

It's all petty and little and stupid.
She's moved before.
I've visited before.
We've done this.

In fact, we're almost pros at long distance friendship.
Our fb messaging game is beyond stellar.
Facetime is a regular occurrence and rarely lasts under an hour.
She knows what's happening.
I know what's happening.
We talk, and cry, and laugh together across a giant ocean.

Yes, it's hard not zipping to her house that's no longer 7 minutes away.
It's sad to miss each others races, concerts, recitals, shows, time after time after time. 
I hate not having sleepovers.
I hate not being able to have her meet the people I talk about.
It sucks.

Yet at the same time, I know how to sit with the sucky-ness when it comes.
Throughout my journal, you'll see me talking to God about whatever, and see a totally random, "I miss Jayna" thrown in.
Because there are days when I feel whats missing.
But not everyday.

There was something about this last visit that made it harder to swallow.
Maybe it's because she used to live here. 
We have memories in my house.
My town.
She got to see some of my friends.
Meet up with some of her friends.

And then we hugged and said goodbye.
Goodbye with the knowledge that Korea is a lot farther the Hawaii.
Knowing that we might not see each other for a long time. 
Knowing that this-
these giggles
hugging during the tears
sharing make-up
sleeping in the same bed when we had two
singing
painting
feeling completely and perfectly at home
no need to entertain
nothing to hide or pretend
true and authentically being

is what I'm missing.
Now I go back to being friends to the girl in the screen, knowing she's so much more.

This is a kinda sad post.
And it's okay, because I'm kinda sad.

But you wanna know something?
Being sad really is okay.

And in this little grey cloud, I'm confident in my need for Jesus.
I need his love to continually pour over me.
I'm reminded of my infinite value because of his infinite grace.

This emptiness?
It's a side effect of our world.
These skin and bones are not my own.
This place?
It's not where I belong.

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

we fight to love

Jon Foreman, the lead vocalist of Switchfoot, once said that to be a lover, you have to be a fighter.

That in order to love, we have to battle against the things that rip us apart. 
The things that feed our guilt, and keep us up at night. 
The pressing force pushing us away from what is true and noble. 
We have to fight. 

For me, sometimes I have to fight for that tinny little wisper in my heart.
The voice that tells me to know how loved and valuable I am.
     The voice of joy.
Of peace. 
   Of hope.
I have to fight.

I have to fight to love my body.
I fight to love my nose and thighs and arms everyday.

 It's a fight to love the people who raise my blood pressure. 
Fighting for compassion and a still tongue is draining. 

I fight to love me, in all my inadequacy and failures. 

I have to fight to love my friends and family, 
 knowing that I am not the perfect child and friend. 

Everything lovey and noble, everything true and pure, has to be chased after. 
We have to fight against insecurity. 
Stand up against rage and annoyance. 
Push against the lies that around us.

And know

you are loved 
you are valuable
and you are not alone
  

Friday, April 1, 2016

in sickness and sunshine


I have been seriously sick with what I am confident was the black plague. My Easter was not spent wearing a cute little sundress, immaculately decorating eggs with so much detail they could easily be swapped with those on Pinterest. I didn't eat the Hungarian Dobos Torte that my aunt made and posted all over Facebook so I could look at it while I was sitting by the toilet. I was a heathen and didn't go to church. However, that might have been for the better because our church had a bunch of baptisms and I cry uncontrollably at baptisms.  

the dobos torte

Instead I've been consuming cough drops and adivil, every vitamin under the sun, and so much water that I pee every hour. It's exhausting peeing this much. 

But, on a less tmi topic, the yellow thing in the sky came out?!?! 
'what?' you gasp!
It took us Washingtonians a moment to remember what it was because...well...it's been a while. However, I quickly remembered and grabbed my tank-top and sunglasses before heading to my favorite local smoothie shop with the windows down. It may or may not have been 59 degrees. I explained I had been sick and needed something with lots of good vitamins pronto, and the lady gave me a cucumber grapefruit smoothie. Sound weird, but it was so yummy and lite. 

Now you want to try a cucumber and grapefruit smoothie. Your welcome.

Spending the past days (almost week) suffering with the black plague, I've contemplated life. 
You know. 
Laying in bed at 4:17am wondering why you never appreciated being able to breathe through your nostrils.  
Getting in a nice hot bath with a fever and then getting the chills. 
Asking what you did to deserve this near death experience.
 (okay, maybe it was just the flu but that is beside the point...)  

Over and over the past week, the phrase 
it was my sin that held Him there 
has been running, running, running through my head.

The miracle, the good news, the reason for my hope and life, was accomplished. 
                              His dying breath has brought me life. 
I live in the new life I have been given
                              I know that it is finished. 

Friends, let's choose to live together in the confidence knowing that it is finished. 
The work has been done.
Our ransom has been paid. 
There is nothing we can do be loved more then we are right now.

In sickness and sunshine, it is finished. 


Thanks for visiting Letters to Jayna today! Please take a moment to leave your name in the comment section below and let me know what you think- I reply to each and every one. Also, if you like what you see, please take a moment to find me on Google+, Bloglovin', and Pinterest. Have a wonderful day! 

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Hairy Legs are the Fruit of Singleness

I had a life-changing moment today.

I went to roll up my tights between dance classes and I realized I had the legs of a chimpanzee.
"No," you think to yourself as you read this. "She's just a giant exaggerator."
I beg to differ.

I showed it to one of my sweet and sensitive friends who promptly replied with "Oh wow. Wow."
Not, "Oh, it's not that bad," or the classic, "I could only see it if I looked supper closely."
No. 
"Oh wow."

I almost send a picture to my friend, only to realized it is almost a half inch long.
A freaking half inch long.
In my defense, we have been out of shaving cream and I refuse to use soap to shave my legs.
buttttt........I also absolutely detest shaving me legs so yeah

And then the thought occurred to me.
"What if I'm single because I currently have hairy legs?"
"What if I have no valentine because my calves could be mistaken for those of a woolly mammoth?"

As the panic rushed through my veins, I assured myself that I'm not single because I currently have hairy legs. And although my chimpanzee legs may be a bit frightening, I don't think my hairy legs are the cause of my lack-of-boyfriend.
They are the fruit of my lack-of-boyfriend.


"What?!?!?!? Well shave those legs you single Pringle," you may say as Febuary 14th quickly approaches. "That will get you ready to mingle in no time!"

But hey, you know what else is the fruit of my singleness?
Extreme chocolate consumption.
Decent grades.
Close girlfriends.
The ability to watch all the rom-com and musicals I want.

 
  This Valentines day I'm celebrating the amazing love of Jesus, chocolate, and hairy legs.
Care to join me?


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                  Thanks for visiting Letters to Jayna! Please take a moment to comment and let me know you were here! Also, if you like what you see, feel free to follow my crazy ramblings on Blogger, Google+, Bloglovin', and Pinterest. Blessings!                                  

Monday, November 16, 2015

5 Reasons I love to Journal

Hello friends! Today, I am so excited to share this post that Faith wrote for my blog. Faith blogs over at Faith's Girly Life where she shares diy, fashion, lifestyle, and her heart for Jesus. I hope you enjoy this post as much as I did! -Elissa


Hey everyone! I'm Faith from Faith's Girly Life and I was blessed to have the chance to guest post here on Letters to Jayna! Lately I've gotten more into journaling (you can check out some more about that over on my blog) so I thought I'd share 5 reasons why I love to journal. Hope y'all enjoy!

1. It's a good "wind down" tool-
A lot of times I will journal at night before I go to sleep. I think it's just a good way to end the day. It's quiet, it's clam, and I find that when I'm done writing I feel good about going to sleep.

2. Getting things on paper is a good release-
This one is pretty simple. But I feel like sometimes writing stud down is a good way to get it out of your mind and let it go.

3. I learn more about myself-
Sometimes journaling really makes you think, and this allows you to really dig into who you are. how you feel, and what you believe.

4. I can be totally me no matter what-
There's no one judging you on a piece of paper, so there's no reason not to say exactly what you want to. This has been so freeing for me as someone who gets very anxious about what others think about it.

5. It refocuses my mind-
Having something specific to write about really helps me just focus my mind when it's normally very hectic (I'm that person who has a million things going on in their mind at once)

So do you journal? What made you start? What do you like about it? Let me (& Elissa) know! & feel free to check out faithsgirlylife.blogspot.com for more of my blog posts!

XOXO 
Faith 

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Thursday, September 24, 2015

beautiful in it's time


A few years ago, Hold On by TobyMac was my current song obsession. The lyrics spoke perfectly to my heart, constantly encouraging me. 
I was so lost in a cloud, walking blindly through a valley.  
   Sadness and pain surrounded me, and for good reason. 
Loss after loss.
 Hurt after hurt.
And months later, I couldn't snap out of it. 
I couldn't shake the little sadness cloud hanging over my head. 
   I used to wake up and sit in a chair, starring off into space for a hour every morning. 
People told me it would be better- but months after these losses, I had less and less of an excuse for my sadness cloud.  

So baby hold on
just another day or two
I can see the clouds are
moving faster now
and the sun is breaking through
If you can hold on, to the one that's holding you
there is nothing that can
stop this crazy love
from breaking through

I held onto God- I let Him lead me out. 
  I felt like I was walking with a blindfold, not knowing the reasons for any of this hurt. 
And God told me to hold on.
   To fight the good fight,
Allowing Him to be my every breath, my every move.

Two and a half years later, I got the opportunity to see TobyMac in person. 
On Sunday, my dear friend Alyse had her 16th birthday and we headed out to see him.



And it was awesome!! We sang Funky Jesus Music and danced and screamed and partied our little butts off.

  I had kinda forgotten about that song until I found myself singing it along with the hundreds of other people in the crowd. And it was beautiful, absolutely beautiful. 

And God kept his promise; he held onto me.
  I'm in a much better place to experience joy!
My heart sings out to God, and his sunshine fills my heart.

He has made all things beautiful their time- he really has.

Q: Has there every been a song that God has spoken to you through?

Thanks for visiting Letters to Jayna!  Feel free to leave a comment and let me know what you think. Also, please take a moment to follow me on Blogger, Google+ and Bloglovin'. 

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Our God is in Control


This is not how it should be

This is not how it could be

This is how it is


And our God is in control



When we finally will see


We'll see with our own eyes


He was always in control


And we will finally really understand what it means


So we'll sing holy, 


holy, 

holy is our God

While we're waitin
g for that day

When we started this journey

But this is where we are


And our God is in control


There will be sweetness forever


When we finally taste and see


That our God is in control


And we will finally really understand what it means
So we'll sing holy,

 holy, 
holy is our God


While we're waiting for that day


We'll keep on waiting for that day


And we will rise


Our God is in control





This is not how it will be

And we'll sing holy,
 holy,
 holy is our God

This is not where we planned to be

Though this first taste is bitter

And we'll sing holy,
 holy, 
holy is our God

We're waiting for that day

(Holy, holy, holy) x2

Our God is in control

(Holy, holy, holy)

Our God is in control

(Holy, holy, holy)




-Steven Curtis Chapman 
 

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Dear Annalee

Dear Annalee--

  Hello, and welcome to the world! My name is Elissa, and I am writing this to you from a island town in Washington. I met your biggest sister, Jayna, here a little over four years ago. Your brother hadn't even made his entrance yet; he was still cooking. :-)

This is going to be a fun adventure! I am so excited that you are here. I will take you shopping, and drive you around; know you are always welcome in my house. I'm sure your family will introduce you to the ocean pretty soon- I'm across that ocean! I know your sisters can't wait to paint your nails and dress you.

I hate to tell you this, but what people are going to do to you isn't always going to be fun. That mean nurse is going to make you cry. Your poopy dippers are going to have to be changed. I'm sorry to break it to you, but sometimes your just going to have to nap.


Jayna and Annalee


Little Annalee, you are a beautiful, precious blessing. There are gonna be times when you hear a small voice tell you that you are not a miracle. Big people are gonna tell you that your too young. You are going to be let down when someone tells you no. Sweet baby, it's not always going to be fun.

But whatever happens in this big world Annalee, you will always have your family loving you and cheering you on. Your mama is a amazing lady, and she will always stand up for you. Your dad love you more then you know, and will always hang out with you. Your three big sisters are there for you too: Jayna will always let you be the princess. Sky will give you a push on the swing, and sweet Lilly will always make you laugh. Your big brother will forever watch out for you, even though he originally thought you were a fish.


I know it's probably not as cozy here then it is in your mama's stomach.
There's lots of weird smells too.
But those people that are holding you?
They are amazing, Annalee Maribel.

  I cannot wait to meet you, my new extra sister!

love you,

   -Elissa

Monday, May 25, 2015

What I'm Up Too....


This quote perfectly sums my current emotional state. I am completely overwhelmed with the sheer mass of things I need to do. 7 page science paper. Research paper. Final biology exam. Algebra. Let's not forget the never ending Algebra. Yay.

Oh yeah, and my six hour rehearsal tomorrow.

I am slightly panicked. A little irritable. And totally ready for summer break.

  Cancer is once again touching a dear family friend. Big sis is looking at collages. We got rid of our car seats yesterday.

 And in the midst of this panic, this feeling of overwhelm, I keep coming back to these verses:


"But I trust in you, Lord;    I say, “You are my God.”  My times are in your hands;
    deliver me from the hands of my enemies,    from those who pursue me.  Let your face shine on your servant;
    save me in your unfailing love. "-Psalm 31: 14-16

Q: Do you find it easier to trust God when you are feeling in control, or totally overwhelmed? 

Thank you so much for stopping by Letters to Jayna. Please take a moment to leave a comment, and let me know what you think! Also, feel free to follow me on Bloglovin, Google+, and Blogger for the latest updates!

Monday, January 26, 2015

A Letter to the Ten Year Old Me



Todays post is written by a friend of mine, who writes at her own beautiful blog here. I hope you enjoy it as much a I did!

Dear 10 year old me,
Wow, how time has flown! Was it really 6 years ago where you had no cares in the world? I remember how you would finish school every day around noon, and then go outside to build forts, hang out with friends, and play baseball for the remainder of the day. Now all you ever do is school, and worry about your looks, and care about what others say. But why do you care so much? Why do you worry so?

10 year old me, don’t get caught up in this world and all its pettiness. Don’t cry over boys who weren’t worth it. Don’t procrastinate homework to the point where it drives you insane. Keep some of that child-like innocence and playfulness with you. Give big hugs to others and tell the people you care about that you love them. Build more forts instead of putting on more makeup, and smile when things don’t go your way.

Most importantly Lizzy, keep your eyes focused on Jesus, not on the boy who seeks you attention, or that mean girl who won’t stop bullying you, or the C you just got on your science exam. No, focus on the love of Jesus Christ, on loving Him, and on loving others. If you remember that, you’ll be just fine throughout the next 6 years. I know you will be, don’t give up.


 With all my love,

Elizabeth

Monday, January 19, 2015

Overwhelmed with Love

Yesterday, the internet blew up. I could tell who lived in Washington State by Facebook statuses. Screaming at the TV was pretty common during the football game between the Seattle Seahawks and Green Bay.   Seattle was behind, and was getting whopped on. Then, in the last two minutes they scored two touchdowns, ting the game they eventually won.  It was amazing. If your sitting, reading like "Why the heck is Elissa writing about football for heavens sake" stay with me.

If your new to the blog, I don't really write football commentary's. I write about ballet and coffee. And God. But there was something that happened at the end of this game, I cried. I seriously cried over a football game. (Not like sob cry's, but like, a few tears slipping down my face cried)

The quarter back was crying and the end of the game, and when he was asked about it by the news, he said, "I am just so overwhelmed. God is so faithful........God is so good."

And that's when I cried  teared up.

You guys, even when we lose, God is faithful. Even when life sucks, God is still good. His character doesn't change with our circumstances. His love is the same at every single stinking moment of your life. He is SO GOOD. So faithful. He is our rock, and we will not be shaken.
 -Elissa

Sunday, October 19, 2014

2 feet + 2 bone caps = Bad News

   Dear Jayna & friends in blogger land-



NOTE: This post is going to be about........drum roll.............Feet!! If that totally grosses you out, you might not want to read on. But don't worry; I wont be showing any pictures of toe nails coming off. ;)

 So you made it mast the gross introduction, ignored the fact that I haven't written in a month, and are sitting reading what I have to say. Thanks!


To begin my story:


  In April and May of this year I started having some pain in my calf/heel area. It wasn't bad, but it was obnoxious. It increased as my rehearsals got more and more intense, and was really painful after doing any foot movement. I wrote it of as achilles tendonitis from overuse, and that after the show in June it would be fine. Babying it outside of dance, and icing it fairly often was my plan. BUT, then summer came and went and it still wasn't totally better. Frustrating.


   
  Went to see a PT, PT sent me to orthopedic surgeon/ podiatrist and said it is a impingement in my heel. Basically, a little bone that sticks of my bone is rubbing a lot and is mad. It's supper inflamed and irritated. So now, I am completely benched, stuck applying cream every morning and every night, icing three times a day, and going to physical therapy three times a week. So no Nutcracker for me this year either. Agggggggggg. Can you just feel the peace oozing from me?





  So here we are with painful feet, no Nutcracker, and no physical activities. After I had auditioned, gotten cast, and learned my parts I was told no. Called into the dance center office and told no. No Nutcracker, and no dance. Hopefully it will just be for a month. But it still is obnoxious.


  So here we are sitting with Nutcracker withdrawal symptoms. Again.


But I am learning how to be at peace. Learning the importance of grace. Learning the dangers of jealousy.  I wish God could have just been like, "Hey Elissa, experience my peace, live with grace, and don't let jealousy come close to your heart. And I love you." But no, He didn't.


  But I will learn. Learn the importance of  having faith in something bigger then myself.
But that also means learning how to fully feel the not-so-peaceful things.


          Love,
                     Elissa


Question: What has God's grace looked like in your life lately?

Monday, September 8, 2014

February 14

            The following is a journal entry I wrote February 14, 2013:

God, this one goes to Jayna;
May her travels be smooth
May she be able to say goodbye peacefully and calmly
May she have a peaceful heart about where she is going
My you bless the house that they move into; will you fill it with joy, with laughter, warmness, hospitality, and a welcoming glow.
May it me a place where Jayna can grow in her independence
May the dance studio be filled with the love of dance
May it be a place were dreams are formed, and grown rather then cut down and shattered.
May it be a place of calmness, and a place where Jayna will be able to worship you with her dance.
May it be a place where Jayna can remove herself from the dramas and stresses of life, and be a place that she will feel your peace in.
May the teachers there see all of the talent you have given her, and may they see how hard she has worked these last few years.
May they enjoy having her in each class, and may she be a fresh breath of newness to the studio.
May the teachers help her grow in her dancing, rather then slowing her down.
May the teachers give her dreams and goals, and Lord, may the girls welcome her and treat her kindly.
May they help her figure things out in a way that is honoring to you.
May they enjoy there company and want to hang out with her.
Lord, may you help them see what a great friend she is.


              God, please hear my prayers. Please God.
__________________________________________________________________________


 Out of all the praying I did for you before you moved, this was one that I wrote out. I was scared for you; that everything would be a disaster, and Hawaii would be a horrible experience. I prayed and prayed about it, because I wanted God to protect you from anything bad that might happen.


But you know what? Hard stuff still happened.
Three dance studios, and a lot of tears latter, you made the decision to quit dance.
    I asked God why was this happening to you? Did he not hear my prayers? Was I wrong in asking for all this? Why were people so mean and discouraging to you?


At the time of your decision, I really supported that. It was the right thing to do.


  But why was God telling you to quit something that had given you so much joy? Was it to much of a idol, and taking your focus of Him? Was it controlling your emotions to much? Where you so post to be doing something else, or tough it out?


I don't think it was an idol, and I don't think it had much power over your emotions. Yet I don't think you were meant to be toughing it out either. So why was there all that drama, when my prayer was seaming to be met with a no?


This is why: http://letters-to-elissa.blogspot.com/2014/09/restored.html


  You needed to be restored. You had to experience hard, hard things in order to be restored.


When we talked on the phone after that first class, I was tearing up. Not just because I was so happy for you (which I was!), but because God said yes.


  He was doing what I asked Him to do over a year and a half ago. He was planning this before I asked; before you where born.


That prayer was written on Valentines day; a day about love. Valentines day is celebrated by showing love between people; but does God limit to showing His love just on Valentines day? Nope, nope, nope and no. God is the ultimate example of love, because God is love.  He is a loving God.


 He wasn't sitting up there looking forward to hard stuff coming your way; He was sitting up there with the knowledge that your life would be an example of His love. What a amazing thing to be.


  My friend, the word restored is a good word. A very, very good word. :)


     Love,
                 Elissa


Question: When was a time you felt like God wasn't being loving?

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Why long distance friendships are worth it....& other

NOTE: I am alive and breathing. This summer has been so relaxing, I am not ready to trade doing practically nothing for the whirl wind of the school year. I am sorry for the lack of posts....kind of. I have really enjoyed taking a break from my computer screen; but I come back ready!



   Well hello friends in blogger land! For my lame excuse as to why I haven't been blogging, see above. All my school supplies are siting in target bags on our stars, waiting for me to openly surrender to the fact the summer is pretty much over. Ah-hem. But anyways, I really am excited to be back in the rhythm and swing of things.

  I am about to begin my last week of summer dance, and I am miss, miss, missing my teachers that left. I am being rather hormonal about it. But seriously; it's been kind of hard. It has been hard to let go to such amazing people. And it has been hard for me to keep in touch with you, because I have been out of town a lot AND we are each running in a bunch of different directions.
It's rough.

   It's rough not knowing what your days look like, when we used to always know where the other person was. It's tempting to me at times, to just stop caring about stuff like that. It sure would be easier. It would be easier if the same amazing people lived right next to each other, and nothing ever changed.

  Long distance friendships are hard. They can be exhausting and extremely difficult  to maintain. And no form of communication is the same as just being together.

   But honestly? Friendships aren't so post to be easy. Humans were designed to fully and completely trust God; but when we rebelled against that, things changed. Now, we have to deal with ego's, broken trust, hurt, clinginess, lack of empathy, lack of understanding, zero sensitivity,  just to name a few.  That why this is hard and hurts; because of sin. And it doesn't just hurt us; it hurts God too. A lot.


   Friendships are hard, messy, beautiful, complicated things. They are a gift; a broken, yet beautiful gift. We are created to be loved, and to love. Just like we love our friends close to us, in many different ways, we can find ways to express that same love to our friends far away. It takes effort; a lot of effort. More work. But ultimately, isn't love felt deeper when the love that is expensive? When
the cost is higher? It is expensive to show love to anyone; but it the the effort it takes grows and grows.


 Today, I challenge you to chose to give that love away freely and deeply.


          1 John 4:7  Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.


  Question: When does it feel the hardest to love other people?

                                   M -Elissa    








Wednesday, June 11, 2014

saying goodbye


This week has had some sad goodbyes.
   A family who my sister and I often babysat for, and LOVED, moved.
Yesterday, was my last class with my favorite dance teacher. Tomorrow is my last class with another one of my dance teachers.
  
  Thank you card's are written, gifts are being bought, and goodbye parties are on the horizon. Nice words are said, as boxes are being packed. The lumps are swallowed, and an awkward laugh is forced up instead.
  But you wanna know a secret? Its still sad.


It's sad saying goodbye to people who you love, people that build you up, and people who think like you. It's not fun to let them go, and leave you. Long distance communication is hard. You know that, better then I do. And honestly, I hate saying goodbye.

    It is a confusing, torn-up, thing.


Yes, I am thankful for the time. The people I have met are some of the most amazing, interesting, and talented people I have ever met. And so saying goodbye is one of the hardest things.
I ask God why? Why has He allowed all these amazing people into my life, and then took them somewhere else? Why do I make these friends, just to let them go? Why do I have to walk around in the dark? All the not-knowing stuff drives me crazy, because I feel completely and utterly out of control.


  But God is good.
He is faithful, and trustworthy.
  And He tell us to love others.


  Soooo, it's not really about me; it's about HIM. It's not feeling completely out of control, but it certainly isn't meaningless. Nope, not even a tinny bit. And I'm going to rest in that.


                            Love,
                                         Elissa


For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Question: What feels the hardest about saying goodbye?

Monday, March 3, 2014

Saturday, December 21, 2013

christmas blues



                                              
Dear Jayna,
 So Christmas is here, again.
And it comes with party's to go to, gifts to buy, and food to make.
All on top of a room to clean, school to do, and recitals to survive.
Add in friend drama, stomach flu, and a girl who tries to do it all.
And Christmas.....well.....is just kind of there.  Not very much piazza.
        
  God, why is Christmas like this, for me this year? Like, why am I so.....well, kinda depressed.

     And even though I am trying to put on my just keep-going-and-everything-will-be-fine kinda look, stuff just looms there.  Nutcracker was  hard to survive: and I miss you, I miss my aunt, and I miss my Awana leader who died of cancer. it just kind of hangs over me, like a little sadness cloud.

And you know what God, the Lord of the entire universe, has to keep reminding me, his stupid little sheep?
  
                                                   Elissa, it is ok to feel sad.
                                  it is ok to say that things have been a little rough.
                      you are allowed to sit with your feelings. Because your daddy, your
                                        savoir, the one who rescued you from the darkness,
                             Loves you.
you. you you  you  you  you  you  you  you  you  you & you
 
   
You, the girl who yells at her mom.
You, who is mad at your brother for nocking over your nightstand, therefore creating a mess that was never cleaned up.
You, the girl that is jealous at her friends.
You, who is a angry, selfish, stressed, moody, and hormonal human being.
you.

                          I am not very good at remembering that.

And this Christmas, I am feeling God's love. And his amazing, never-stopping, always and forever love.
 And that Jayna, is what this whole Christmas thing is all about.
                                           
                                                Elissa
 

Friday, October 25, 2013

shhh, it's a surprise!

Dear Jayna,

Rachel's 16th Birthday party has officially come and gone! And boy oh boy, it was exciting!
It was a surprise party (hence the post title...;p) and it was a h-a-r-d secret to keep.
We had it on a Friday night: the who swim team, home school friends, and anyone else that crossed her mind was invited.
                                                        waiting for the birthday girl

                                                                       Smile!

                                                     The banner that Sarah and I made

                                                                    blowing

                                             
                                                    Love,
                                                             Elissa



 
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