Showing posts with label forgivness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label forgivness. Show all posts

Sunday, August 28, 2016

i am a gossip


it started out as a harmless, giggly conversation.
A silly moment. 
And then all of the sudden my friend looked at me and said,
"Elissa, you do gossip a lot." 

I choked.
I was the only Christian in that room
The only one with the responsibllity to be a bright light in a darkened world.

"It's not nessicarly a bad thing..." She went on.
But the words cut down through all the layers and hit my core.

I am a gossip.

These words taste like vinegar comming out of my mouth.
They rock around in my brain,
Tumbling into every thought.

They cut through my crap and cockiness in which I stood before God last night.

For I am a gossip.

And I hate it.
I hate this ugliness inside of me,
This sword I have deeply misused.

I hate that I'm seen as a gossip to some non-Christian friends.
I hate that I bring shame to the name of Jesus on this earth.
I hate it.

For I am ashamed of this sin.
I am naked in my inadequacies.
And aware of my failure.

And Jesus knows.
He knows me as I sit with my two little gossip buddies,
Yet he loves me fully.
He knows me as I keep record of wrong,
Yet he loves me endlessly.
He hears me tarnish his gift,
Yet he still loves me.
Perfecly.
Completely.
More then I could ever ask or imagine.

For our God loves us so greatly that he will never change the depth of his love.
In any moment.
In any action.
In any situation.

For we, my brothers and sisters, are loved by a very big God.
Bigger then any shame.



Tuesday, June 9, 2015

You can't make everyone happy-You are not Nutella.

You guys, I finished biology and English.

I know!!! *This is where you applaud*



  It has been one of the longest, hardest school years of my life. I spent many, many, many, long hours hunched over a laptop or sitting at my kitchen table smelling brain smoke. My eyeballs have felt like they were on fire from all the work mean-old-me was making them do. I'm sure my teachers are excited to finally stop receiving five e-mail's from me, per week.

  Last week was the academic award ceremony/graduation of the seniors. It was long and I was ready to go home, take of my bra and make-up, curl up to do some Facebook stalking. The redeeming factor was the little stack of certificates and a ugly plack.

  ....... Honor Roll
   Chapel Team....
.....Peer Tudor..
     ....Student of the Year...

It was a satisfying feeling to stick those in my portfolio.

When the buzz-buzz of alarm number three went off the next morning, math was the first thing on the "productive agenda". The math that I got seriously behind in, and will be doing for the next month or so. And even though my teachers told me nice things, and I was given congratulatory hugs, and I had a nice stack of papers; you guys, I felt like a failure.


 A very stupid failure.
Someone who didn't get a single top grade.
Someone who abandoned her French.
Someone who was the stupid child who would never graduate high school, all because she didn't get her lazy butt to do Algebra.

  And I invited those stupid lies into my heart. I let them hang out.
And let me tell you, they made themselves very comfortable. And they called in their friends.

I'm not going to go into the gritty details, but it wasn't a fun place.

 You guys, I am not the very-stupidest-person-to-ever-crawl-the-earth.
I am not a failure to my teachers.
  I am a hard worker, who's high standards are my demise.
I am a valuable and loved child to my parents.
   My friends believe in me, and don't dwell in my flaws.
Most importantly, I am perfect and complete servant before my God.

 What about you?

Are you the "disappointment child"?
The "ugly duckling"?
  The "worst friend ever"?

No. You are not. You are not to lost, to wrong, or to 'whatever' to change the world.
Your demands of yourself may be working against your design from God. Now, I'm not saying dedication and perseverance are wrong or bad. I think these are some of the most important character traits to develop. But if you are like me, and let lies sneak in because of this, hear me.
No good can come from listening and believing lies.



Remember- we are works in progress in God's timing. Not our own.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

This is the part where you find out who you are


 


This is when you learn to dance in the pouring rain.
  Now is when you learn to lean on God's grace
In your tears, you are able to choose bitterness or forgiveness
   This is when you overcome
Now is when you shape tomorrow
   This is the part where you find out who you are

There are things pulling at my heart that are not of God.
    Anger. Bitterness. Entitlement.
Every human reason to pitch a temper tantrum because Life isn't fair!!! sits in my heart. I want justice.

   "But Jesus was saying, Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing. And they cast lots, dividing up His garments among themselves. " -Luke 22:34

I don't have that kind of grace. And forgiveness? Yesh.
   I say I am a follower of Jesus; this is the part where I find out who I am.

-Elissa

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