Showing posts with label busy. overwhelmed. Show all posts
Showing posts with label busy. overwhelmed. Show all posts

Thursday, March 16, 2017

hey there tired soul

hey there tired soul.
these days are long, jam packed with routine and deadlines.
coffee is frequent, sleep is not.
and we pull ourselves together.
and it goes
on
and on
and on.

so, you tired soul,
take a breath.
come on, just do it.
in through your nostrils.
now out through your mouth.

one more time.

feel that?

your hearts still beating,
waiting to hear the next chapter.
your lungs still fill,
giving you what you need to take the next breath.
and God is still good,
holding you tight,
you tired, weary soul. 

Thursday, February 9, 2017

being raw in a pulled-together world




In all reality, the past few weeks have contained long, hard days.
Teary, emotional, gut wrenching, make you want to hide-in-a-hole-for-no-apparent-reason kinda days.
I sat in my car and screamed between sobs.
I vocalized questions that I will never know the answers to.



And then suddenly the earth is covered in a sparkling white blanket.
Everything was canceled.
People were stuck.
And all I could do was stare out of the snow globe,
sip coco and Facebook stalk.

Sit in the quiet.
Breathe a little.
Put on my smartwool.
And remember that it's necessary to stop and breathe.

Because at some point,
I've got to postpone putting my big-girl pants on.
Stop pulling it together.
Open the bottled emotion. 



I had a meltdown over the phone a few days ago.
And as I hung up, I told myself that the meltdown was over.
get it together Elissa
everything's fine and I'm just being hormonal.

But I think I was wrong.
I'm learning that I have to stop constantly pulling-it-together,
and allow myself to be a little raw.

Friends, this is me being raw.
I usually like to write posts a safe distance away from the uncomfortable, so I can wrap it in a pretty bow for you.
I try to give resolution and show God's hand.

But life doesn't always have immediate resolution.
And I think it's so so so important to remember that God's hand is in both the pretty and the dirty, whether we see it or not.

So I'm gonna try be a little raw for a while.
I'm going to talk about it.
I'm going to remember that
God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; 
God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 
God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, (1 corth. 1:27-28)
I challenge you to do the same.




Thursday, December 29, 2016

happenings of late


Heyo!

I'm really sorry for my lack of content lately. December has been filled with non-stop dance, and school, and dance and school and dance and school and school and dance. and school. 
The collage search and SATs are beginning to breathe down my neck and so be honest, it's so overwhelming. I've been asked approximately fifty thousand times about my "after high school plans" during this holiday season and I really have nothing to say. I have so many ideas and interests, but I'm struggling to balance reality and dreams.

To be honest, this semester has been nothing I hoped it would be. I'm taking hard classes, but I micromanaged my schedule in September so that it would be manageable. I'm on a good track and I was trying to hard to be ahead of the game, to be prepared and responsible. But then all of the sudden I'm poking at food, staring at text books without seeing a word, and laying awake at three in the morning. Everyone is done with their shallow, public sobs. And we are left missing.

There have been two adult suicides in our little town within the past two weeks. Two. I fight fear of another phone call. Things bring me back to those horrible moments. But I'm looking for beautiful. I'm searching
searching
searching
for hope and the light of Jesus in this time.

The simple things remind me that I cannot do any of this on my own strength- that I need help constantly. My actions need grace. My studies needs perseverance. My relationships need Jesus. And in all reality, this isn't a bad place to be. Because it's in my complete and utter broken and emptiness that I realize my need for a savior.

So this is where I'm at. Thanks for sticking around with me- I really appreciate you guys:)
Also, check out my updated other good stuff page and my latest post on BURNING YOUTH.

much love//elissa

Monday, October 24, 2016

I want a band-aid


My mind is a mess
turning
turning
turning

Swiched on at 3:00am,
yet of at 11:00am.

I want someone to put a band-aid on me.
Fix this mess.
Tape it back together.

But the second someone talks about how
God has a reason for everything
or
Just be thankful for the things you do have
or
Something good is going to happen

I freeze.

Not because I don't know these words to be true,
or because they aren't said sincerely enough.

I know those things are true.

I'm just not ready for them.
I'm not ready for the world to move on,
and act like nothing happened.

I'm trying to function like a normal human being,
but I'm struggling.

I'm struggling because I want tape and glue.
I want someone to say something that fixes me.
I want God to make my world perfect and happy and unicorns and rainbows.
I want the band-aid.

But you know what?
I don't get the tape and glue.
I don't get an easy out.

We get feelings that demand to be felt.
We get people that love us, and are willing to listen.
We get support groups.
We get the dirty and the messy.
The ugly and the broken.

I'm humbled in my need for Jesus.
Because oh, how I need him.
I need him to hold me and protect my fragile heart.
I need him to give me words.
I need his grace and forgiveness.
I need him to be a rock that is higher than I.


Because someday, he will make all things new.

We aren't going to be broken fragments, glued back together.
There will be no more pain and sadness.

For the God of all heaven and earth will wipe away every tear from every eye.
And all things will be made new.

So today, I get the broken.
But I know that someday I will get the beautiful.

Sunday, September 18, 2016

back into the blender

I have officially been thrown back into the blender. 
Zap, zap, zap. 

And I am weary and caffeinated, yet it's just the first few weeks. 

I know it's partly because I am sick (going on three weeks!) 
Maybe because I'm overwhelmed with the pure volume of school I have,
trying to manage and schedule every waking moment.
My body is adjusting to six days of dance classes. 
I'm trying to learn my Nutcracker choreography.
It's hell week for Music Man, which opens on Thursday. 
My older sister moves out Wednesday.  

So I sit here with my coffee.
Sip, sip, sip. 

I read your beautiful and thoughtful blog posts, 
all inspired and perfect. 

I really should text that lady back. 
I need to take that French quiz asap.  
My math yells at me.

But I'm sitting here with my coffee, waiting to have our last "pancake day" (yes, this is a thing) as a family before Christmas. 
My naked face and XXL t-shirt, before I go pull myself together for church. 

This is where I'm at. 
I'm sorry this isn't poetic or inspirational.
But that's not how my life is at the moment, and I just thought you should know. 

This blender is exhausting.  
Our lives are exciting and terrifying, all at the same time.
And we, dear sisters, walk these roads together. 



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