Showing posts with label breathing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label breathing. Show all posts

Thursday, February 9, 2017

being raw in a pulled-together world

In all reality, the past few weeks have contained long, hard days.
Teary, emotional, gut wrenching, make you want to hide-in-a-hole-for-no-apparent-reason kinda days.
I sat in my car and screamed between sobs.
I vocalized questions that I will never know the answers to.

And then suddenly the earth is covered in a sparkling white blanket.
Everything was canceled.
People were stuck.
And all I could do was stare out of the snow globe,
sip coco and Facebook stalk.

Sit in the quiet.
Breathe a little.
Put on my smartwool.
And remember that it's necessary to stop and breathe.

Because at some point,
I've got to postpone putting my big-girl pants on.
Stop pulling it together.
Open the bottled emotion. 

I had a meltdown over the phone a few days ago.
And as I hung up, I told myself that the meltdown was over.
get it together Elissa
everything's fine and I'm just being hormonal.

But I think I was wrong.
I'm learning that I have to stop constantly pulling-it-together,
and allow myself to be a little raw.

Friends, this is me being raw.
I usually like to write posts a safe distance away from the uncomfortable, so I can wrap it in a pretty bow for you.
I try to give resolution and show God's hand.

But life doesn't always have immediate resolution.
And I think it's so so so important to remember that God's hand is in both the pretty and the dirty, whether we see it or not.

So I'm gonna try be a little raw for a while.
I'm going to talk about it.
I'm going to remember that
God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; 
God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 
God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, (1 corth. 1:27-28)
I challenge you to do the same.

Saturday, February 4, 2017

tomorrow morning

tomorrow morning when you brush your teeth,
scrunched over the sink, 
looking like death,
remember that you're beautiful.

don't say no.
don't hide
or cover up
or run away.

remember that you are powerful and brave.
remember that you are flawed yet perfect.
know that you carry light that can brighten the darkest of places.

so you,
you beautiful soul,
stand tall.
take a deep breath.
today, remember who you are.

Monday, December 5, 2016

finding warmth in the darkness

I've built walls.
I've hidden skeletons and covered scars.
my walls are tall and strong;
they're ready to be torn down.

He wispers to me,
elissa, let me tear down your walls

but I am naked.
I am ashamed.

He says,
I have loved you at your darkest

I struggle to hear these words.
for I don't understand this amazing grace.

He calls me perfect,
beautiful child

yet I grip to guilt
and lies

He validates my pain,
and holds me tight.

my heart beats.
walls begin to melt.
a gift was given
 and darkness has no home.

I sit with this wonderful counselor.
the giver of all peace.

and I am held.
I am clothed in grace.
I am safe.
I am warm.
for today, I am held.

so I challenge you;
approach the king,
scared and broken.
for he knows your name,
and is ready to release you from all guilt and shame.
you are loved,
you perfect,
beautiful child.

please sit.
be covered.

for you are precious and held,
and today,
you will find warmth in your God.

Friday, June 26, 2015

week 21- Sharing the Joy

Last weekend was my performance; the long awaited, exhaustedly rehearsed, event of the semester. The show was titled A Tribute to Broadway, and each piece was biased off of a Broadway play or musical. I'm going to let the pictures speak for themselves :-)

These were from The Lion King, featured lots of African movement. I had a sinus infection and fever, so I was mostly breathing out of my mouth :-)

Ballet was Into The Woods, which was a ton of fun. 

 (the Into the Woods director/one of my ballet teachers)

Tap was Sing, Sing, Sing, from Fosse. 


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Friday, March 28, 2014

Oh wait; breathing is good!

Dear Jayna,

  On Tuesday, a lady came to watch our ballet class. She came in about 20 minutes into the hour and a half class. She  was about 5' 1". She had a Russian accent. And no one had any idea what she was doing there. So she sat. And watched.
  And we then did the next logical thing: freaked out. Silently. And we started working really, supper, hard, while silently wishing we had done out hair nice, or warn tights without holes in them.

Oh, did I mention that she sat right in front of me? Yeah. She pretty much scared the snot out of me.
   While were at the barre, her eyeballs were burning holes into my feet (okay fine. She was looking at other people's feet too. It felt like she was looking at just mine though.)
  I was nervous. So I forgot to take a breath...... or two.
Mr. Weaver had to come over three times and pretend to fix my feet or whatever. But he was really whispering under his breath: "Elissa. Breath!"
   So yeah. That is what happened on Tuesday.

Believe it or not, writing this is something that I want to do. Not something that I guilt tripped myself into doing. It feel's kind of weird.

  Yep, and that tell's you something about my past few weeks. Doing allot of things: all essentially "good' things. But I have done so much, and it all kinda lost the fun affect, and instead gave the stress affect. And stress does some pretty weird things to me.
It makes me emotional. Like, supper emotional over stupid things.
It makes me feel pressured. I feel like I have to do everything perfectly, and drive myself crazy trying to do everything as good as I possibly can.
And, it makes me grumpy. I forget that the whole world doesn't know how stressed I am. And I think I should get a get out of jail free card (which I really deserve).

  Yeah, so spring break pretty much here. And maybe we will get a bunch of sun:)
But I have kinda been forgetting to breath lately. So that is my goal for spring break.

What are your goal's for spring?
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