Showing posts with label beautiful. Show all posts
Showing posts with label beautiful. Show all posts

Saturday, February 4, 2017

tomorrow morning

tomorrow morning when you brush your teeth,
scrunched over the sink, 
looking like death,
remember that you're beautiful.

don't say no.
don't hide
or cover up
or run away.

remember that you are powerful and brave.
remember that you are flawed yet perfect.
know that you carry light that can brighten the darkest of places.

so you,
you beautiful soul,
stand tall.
take a deep breath.
today, remember who you are.

Monday, October 24, 2016

I want a band-aid

My mind is a mess

Swiched on at 3:00am,
yet of at 11:00am.

I want someone to put a band-aid on me.
Fix this mess.
Tape it back together.

But the second someone talks about how
God has a reason for everything
Just be thankful for the things you do have
Something good is going to happen

I freeze.

Not because I don't know these words to be true,
or because they aren't said sincerely enough.

I know those things are true.

I'm just not ready for them.
I'm not ready for the world to move on,
and act like nothing happened.

I'm trying to function like a normal human being,
but I'm struggling.

I'm struggling because I want tape and glue.
I want someone to say something that fixes me.
I want God to make my world perfect and happy and unicorns and rainbows.
I want the band-aid.

But you know what?
I don't get the tape and glue.
I don't get an easy out.

We get feelings that demand to be felt.
We get people that love us, and are willing to listen.
We get support groups.
We get the dirty and the messy.
The ugly and the broken.

I'm humbled in my need for Jesus.
Because oh, how I need him.
I need him to hold me and protect my fragile heart.
I need him to give me words.
I need his grace and forgiveness.
I need him to be a rock that is higher than I.

Because someday, he will make all things new.

We aren't going to be broken fragments, glued back together.
There will be no more pain and sadness.

For the God of all heaven and earth will wipe away every tear from every eye.
And all things will be made new.

So today, I get the broken.
But I know that someday I will get the beautiful.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

beautiful in it's time

A few years ago, Hold On by TobyMac was my current song obsession. The lyrics spoke perfectly to my heart, constantly encouraging me. 
I was so lost in a cloud, walking blindly through a valley.  
   Sadness and pain surrounded me, and for good reason. 
Loss after loss.
 Hurt after hurt.
And months later, I couldn't snap out of it. 
I couldn't shake the little sadness cloud hanging over my head. 
   I used to wake up and sit in a chair, starring off into space for a hour every morning. 
People told me it would be better- but months after these losses, I had less and less of an excuse for my sadness cloud.  

So baby hold on
just another day or two
I can see the clouds are
moving faster now
and the sun is breaking through
If you can hold on, to the one that's holding you
there is nothing that can
stop this crazy love
from breaking through

I held onto God- I let Him lead me out. 
  I felt like I was walking with a blindfold, not knowing the reasons for any of this hurt. 
And God told me to hold on.
   To fight the good fight,
Allowing Him to be my every breath, my every move.

Two and a half years later, I got the opportunity to see TobyMac in person. 
On Sunday, my dear friend Alyse had her 16th birthday and we headed out to see him.

And it was awesome!! We sang Funky Jesus Music and danced and screamed and partied our little butts off.

  I had kinda forgotten about that song until I found myself singing it along with the hundreds of other people in the crowd. And it was beautiful, absolutely beautiful. 

And God kept his promise; he held onto me.
  I'm in a much better place to experience joy!
My heart sings out to God, and his sunshine fills my heart.

He has made all things beautiful their time- he really has.

Q: Has there every been a song that God has spoken to you through?

Thanks for visiting Letters to Jayna!  Feel free to leave a comment and let me know what you think. Also, please take a moment to follow me on Blogger, Google+ and Bloglovin'. 

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Cleaning the Floors- Part Two

On day two we served dinner to the homeless of Portland. It was a lot calmer then breakfast had been, as we had a significantly less number of people (but still a lot!) Before dinner, Union Gospel Mission does a church service with music and a speaker. We were told to sand as people came in, as to not take up seats.
  As I was standing, I got a awkward feeling about me. Watching these people come in, seeing their plastic bags, smelling the drugs, and feeling my heart break. God hit me, reminding me that these are his people. It was so humbling to share in a tiny, little piece of others lives, and for the street friends to allow us to witness their truly vulrible state.
  And I thought about how judged I would feel if a group of teenagers sat in the back, watching my every move.
I found myself in the partially inhabited front row, singing 90's worship songs.
I found myself wondering about all the emotion in the room.
What I would be feeling if the tables were turned.
How raw we sat before God.
Some in disbelief. Others in awe.
These are Jesus's friends.

In a calm moment, I sat at a table chatting with a few of the street friends. This woman, she reminded me of someone.
It was the woman on the floor.
  Yet she wasn't dirty- she had a fresh shirt on. Clean hair. Dirt-less nails.
I thanked Jesus for cleaning this woman. For cleaning the floors.
And we began a conversation.  We both care to much about what others think; we both try too hard to please everyone. We share a second child position, yet we have different numbers of siblings. I asked her if I could pray for her once again, and if there was anything unparticular I could pray for.
  She asked if I could pray for safety. She looked me in the eye and told me she had been raped so many times, and if I could pray that it would lesson, that would be great.
  How many oceans of pain could this have created?
I tear up as I type this. Not because "it showed me homeless people are real people too," or something equally dumb. But because it still hits me. It still makes my heart skip a beat. It reminds me that we are surrounded my pain, and this life will be full of it.
  So I cried out to God. It was the first time I have ever been angry with God, and it wasn't happy. I asked him how he could allow this to happen. I asked why this evil, this pain, this heaviness that I feel so deeply could be tolerated by my loving and just God. Why could this happen?
  God held me in his hand as I cried out to him. He let me yell and scream and feel the feelings I needed to feel. But he calmed my heart. He gave me comfort.
We sung of this Jesus, and his heart for his kids.
     Others shared the heaviness of what we had witnessed and herd.
It was beautiful.
 It was beautiful because the Holy Spirit was fully alive in us.
Because we are His.
Because he has filled us with life.  

Thank you so much for visiting letters to Jayna. Please take a moment to leave a comment and let  me know what you think!

Monday, January 26, 2015

A Letter to the Ten Year Old Me

Todays post is written by a friend of mine, who writes at her own beautiful blog here. I hope you enjoy it as much a I did!

Dear 10 year old me,
Wow, how time has flown! Was it really 6 years ago where you had no cares in the world? I remember how you would finish school every day around noon, and then go outside to build forts, hang out with friends, and play baseball for the remainder of the day. Now all you ever do is school, and worry about your looks, and care about what others say. But why do you care so much? Why do you worry so?

10 year old me, don’t get caught up in this world and all its pettiness. Don’t cry over boys who weren’t worth it. Don’t procrastinate homework to the point where it drives you insane. Keep some of that child-like innocence and playfulness with you. Give big hugs to others and tell the people you care about that you love them. Build more forts instead of putting on more makeup, and smile when things don’t go your way.

Most importantly Lizzy, keep your eyes focused on Jesus, not on the boy who seeks you attention, or that mean girl who won’t stop bullying you, or the C you just got on your science exam. No, focus on the love of Jesus Christ, on loving Him, and on loving others. If you remember that, you’ll be just fine throughout the next 6 years. I know you will be, don’t give up.

 With all my love,


Monday, January 12, 2015


Hey you. You, the girl with the pretty eyes.
You, the girl with the kind heart.
You, the girl with the inclusive sprit.
Yes you.

Why do you question your purpose?
Why do you think you are not enough?
Who told you that you were ugly? That you weren't beautiful?

Girls, these are some of the biggest lies we can buy into. And you know what? That's what they are- lies. Lies we are bombarded with every time we buy something at the grocery store.  They show up in our movies. In our friends. We are part of an insecure generation of girls.

Girls, why do we build huge walls all around us, protecting us from who-knows-what? Why do we compare ourselves with the superficial images at the checkout line in the grocery store? We wrestle with inadequacy, fear and self conciseness. We wish our lives looked different. More PB teen, less crushed granola bars.  

But ladies, I cannot say it enough.
You are valuable.
You are enough.
You are more then all of this.
You have worth.
A ultimate, never-changing, more-then-you-know, big, huge, and un-imaginable value.

Let's make a change ladies.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

beautiful girl

one day follows another
it is inevitable, unchanging
a steady constant present
this I cannot deny
then there is your beauty
glowing and growing
there you are each day
more beautiful than ever
the softness of your skin
a canvas to embrace
to look upon in quiet wonder
this is also inevitable
you are as you will always be
a joy to look upon
a girl of great beaut
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