Friday, August 4, 2017

choose to believe [or not]


I walked to my nanny job after two weeks of vacation, to be smothered in hugs.
The little faces looked up at me and in the midst of procolmations about me being home,
"You look at little chubby," poped out of one mouth.

Given my rough history with body image and stuff, my heart skipped a beat.
Do I I really look  chubby? 
Chubby?  What does that even mean? 
Well I didn't really eat well on vacation .
Gezz Elissa, why did you have all those ice cream sandwiches!? 
You are so fat now. 
And you have absolutely no self control.
What a cow. 
All that in 0.067 seconds. 

Usually I can hear that, listen to the commentary, and shake it off because I have the tools to do so.
I know that I eat pretty healthily. 
I'm allowed to eat yummy things on vacation. 
*deep breath  Elissa*
But as I walked through my morning, it stuck with me. 
I started questioning all sorts of things and feeling sucky in general. 
This is what you look like now. 
A little chubby. 
How are you ever planning on showing up for dance  like this?
You know Nutcracker auditions are in a month right? 
Wow. 
When things like this happen, I know one of the abosolute worst things I can do is change how I eat my next meal. 
So eating lunch was next. 
And than a snack. 
And now I'm writing this post. 

You guys, in the same breath I was told I was chubby I was ask told I looked taller. 
I know I have not grown a inch in two weeks. 
So why am I willing to believe that I'm suddenly "chubby"? 
Why do I want to feel bad? 

Lies are smart like that. 
We dwell on the small ones, and they target or weaknesses like non other. 
They sneak into petty comments, shoot straight for the soft spot. 
They come to kill and distroy. 
So don't let them.

Choose what you believe. 
And please oh please, choose wisely.

8 comments:

  1. That is always such a hard struggle. I've had a lot of problems with it myself, and it's so hard to keep on top of it and not let yourself run ragging trying to be thin, or anything really. I so appreciate you sharing your heart.

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  2. Thank you for posting this, Elissa. Do you know I've had those same thoughts, especially about going to dance class. I danced for fourteen years, and the last five involved classical ballet in which most of the girls were thin and had small chests. People told me my large chest was an asset, but in dance, it's not the best thing to have, right? But since leaving dance, it's been a little easier to see myself as a normal size. I think you're a beautiful size, by the way. Thank you again for sharing this. Encouraging today. <3

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  3. Little comments like that suck. BUT you be strong and don't let down to easy. (:

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  4. You are a brave type of beautiful. And this is powerful - thank you. xx

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  5. You're beautiful and a Light for this dark world. Thank you.

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  6. Comments like that are the worst, aren't they? But you can never take anything like that too seriously, especially coming from a little kid.

    You are so beautiful. So, so beautiful. Please don't let those lies anywhere near you. <3

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  7. Amazing post. I love your blog. I found you through Anna @ Worldthroughherheart.blogspot.com. Thank you for your lovely comment on the short stories, by the way.
    Your blog is so beautiful. And I love the message you give in this post. :D

    iviewrites.blogspot.com

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  8. I just found your blog...and wow, I already can connect to you in several ways. One, I also nannied over the summer and those little kids said a lot of mean words. I got the words "I wish I never have to see you again", and that really stinks when you hear it only because you won't let them watch TV (and their mom doesn't want them too). Lies are really easy to believe if we aren't replacing them with truth. They are so toxic and can literally become part of how we think if we aren't careful.
    Thanks for this reminder and for fighting off the lies! I just followed your blog and I would love if you would check mine out too!

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