Thursday, December 29, 2016

happenings of late


Heyo!

I'm really sorry for my lack of content lately. December has been filled with non-stop dance, and school, and dance and school and dance and school and school and dance. and school. 
The collage search and SATs are beginning to breathe down my neck and so be honest, it's so overwhelming. I've been asked approximately fifty thousand times about my "after high school plans" during this holiday season and I really have nothing to say. I have so many ideas and interests, but I'm struggling to balance reality and dreams.

To be honest, this semester has been nothing I hoped it would be. I'm taking hard classes, but I micromanaged my schedule in September so that it would be manageable. I'm on a good track and I was trying to hard to be ahead of the game, to be prepared and responsible. But then all of the sudden I'm poking at food, staring at text books without seeing a word, and laying awake at three in the morning. Everyone is done with their shallow, public sobs. And we are left missing.

There have been two adult suicides in our little town within the past two weeks. Two. I fight fear of another phone call. Things bring me back to those horrible moments. But I'm looking for beautiful. I'm searching
searching
searching
for hope and the light of Jesus in this time.

The simple things remind me that I cannot do any of this on my own strength- that I need help constantly. My actions need grace. My studies needs perseverance. My relationships need Jesus. And in all reality, this isn't a bad place to be. Because it's in my complete and utter broken and emptiness that I realize my need for a savior.

So this is where I'm at. Thanks for sticking around with me- I really appreciate you guys:)
Also, check out my updated other good stuff page and my latest post on BURNING YOUTH.

much love//elissa

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

letter to the hurting


Hey you-
you who are brave and strong,
yet also hurting and wondering.

you who is crumbling while the world smiles at you emptily,
acting like you are broken in this season of joy.

hey you-
I know it feels like you're alone and everything is falling apart.
I know it your heart is being stabbed over and over and over.
But I also know that it gets better.

I know you want a magic answer to make it okay in a second;
it sucks, because there isn't.
But all this?
It does get better.

These dark clouds will pass.
The sun will shine.
This is a season, not a life sentence.

So please please please
know you are loved
realize that you have so many plans to accomplish
look for people fighting for you.
Because it does it get better.
It totally gets better.



Monday, December 5, 2016

finding warmth in the darkness


I've built walls.
I've hidden skeletons and covered scars.
my walls are tall and strong;
they're ready to be torn down.

He wispers to me,
elissa, let me tear down your walls

but I am naked.
I am ashamed.

He says,
I have loved you at your darkest

I struggle to hear these words.
for I don't understand this amazing grace.

He calls me perfect,
beautiful child

yet I grip to guilt
and lies

He validates my pain,
and holds me tight.

my heart beats.
walls begin to melt.
a gift was given
 and darkness has no home.

I sit with this wonderful counselor.
the giver of all peace.

and I am held.
I am clothed in grace.
I am safe.
I am warm.
for today, I am held.

so I challenge you;
approach the king,
scared and broken.
for he knows your name,
and is ready to release you from all guilt and shame.
you are loved,
you perfect,
beautiful child.

please sit.
rest.
be covered.

for you are precious and held,
and today,
you will find warmth in your God.