Monday, October 24, 2016

I want a band-aid


My mind is a mess
turning
turning
turning

Swiched on at 3:00am,
yet of at 11:00am.

I want someone to put a band-aid on me.
Fix this mess.
Tape it back together.

But the second someone talks about how
God has a reason for everything
or
Just be thankful for the things you do have
or
Something good is going to happen

I freeze.

Not because I don't know these words to be true,
or because they aren't said sincerely enough.

I know those things are true.

I'm just not ready for them.
I'm not ready for the world to move on,
and act like nothing happened.

I'm trying to function like a normal human being,
but I'm struggling.

I'm struggling because I want tape and glue.
I want someone to say something that fixes me.
I want God to make my world perfect and happy and unicorns and rainbows.
I want the band-aid.

But you know what?
I don't get the tape and glue.
I don't get an easy out.

We get feelings that demand to be felt.
We get people that love us, and are willing to listen.
We get support groups.
We get the dirty and the messy.
The ugly and the broken.

I'm humbled in my need for Jesus.
Because oh, how I need him.
I need him to hold me and protect my fragile heart.
I need him to give me words.
I need his grace and forgiveness.
I need him to be a rock that is higher than I.


Because someday, he will make all things new.

We aren't going to be broken fragments, glued back together.
There will be no more pain and sadness.

For the God of all heaven and earth will wipe away every tear from every eye.
And all things will be made new.

So today, I get the broken.
But I know that someday I will get the beautiful.

16 comments:

  1. *sighs* this is like my thought process....

    btw, you are beautiful..but I get the exact meaning of what you mean - I want to feel beautiful on the "inside" too

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  2. My dear dear friend, you are not alone. I love you!

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  3. Amen! I hope your days get easier! <3

    With love and all joy,
    Allie D.
    www.alliesblogdesigns.blogspot.com
    www.friendlovesatalltimes.blogspot.com
    www.sincerelyallied.blogspot.com
    www.spreadingmyjoy.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  4. oh goodness...
    I am feeling every little part of this.
    those thoughts swiched on at three am.....
    I just want it to stop, I want it all to be fixed.
    but what a hopeful Band-Aid we have (Jesus)

    Randy Abby

    WAKE ME UP Blog

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    Replies
    1. yes, what a great hope we have.
      I feel you!
      xoxoxo

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  5. Praying for you so much, dear Elissa ♥

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  6. You are so inspiring - talking hope, and encouraging us all to look for that day when He makes all things new. Keep holding on, friend! Sending prayers and hugs. xx

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  7. Praying for you, Elissa. It's hard to hear words that are filled with healing sometimes when we are not ready for them. But I pray that the light, even in this darkness finds you and wraps you in His peace and Love. The song "Beautiful things" by gungor comes to my mind to share with you. <3

    ReplyDelete

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