Monday, October 17, 2016


A very close friend committed suicide two weeks ago.
Two weeks that contained years, yet I still have to remind myself of the horror that took place.

You guys, I am completely shattered.
My heart is broken, and I'm semi-numb to reality.

This is a mess.
A tragic, dark mess.

I'm struggling to form words, much less coherent thoughts.
I have a pile of school work glaring at me.
I keep waking up throughout the night.
I keep glancing and thinking I see her.

Her dutch braids.
Plaid shirt.
Kaiki pants.
Eyelashes that make you rethink your life.
Smile that lets up the room.

But then I remember her perfect body laying in the casket.

And the reality punches all over again.

You guys, we are shadows here on earth.
Your life contains infinite value.

You are precious.

And there are far
better things ahead.



  1. Oh my darling, I'm sending you so, so much love right now. I've lost one of my best friends to death, and she had cancer and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through, but I can't even imagine how much harder it must be to know she chose to take her life. I'm so, so enormously sorry for your loss, and please know that you're both in my prayers right now. I know it can seem horrible watching schoolwork pile up, and life continuing, because it does feel like none of that matters but it does, please remember that.

    Sending you so much love.

    1. Wow, that is awful Anne. I'm so so sorry you've had to walk through this, but I'm also comforted in the fact that you know this pain.
      Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words:)
      hugss and kisses!!!

  2. Love you so much, dear Elissa. Praying! <3

  3. I'm so sorry about your friend. I will be praying for you. Just remember, that the Lord is going to use this dark time, for something beautiful in your life.

    With love and all joy,
    Allie D.

  4. Oh my goodness, Elissa. I don't know what to say right now. This is when I hate the inadequacy of a computer screen. I've watched so many close friends go through exactly what you're going through and I know that it's honestly one of the hardest things on the planet. I am sending you so, so much love beautiful girl. xxx

    1. I know what you mean about the computer screen!! I think we should have a blogging girls vacation:)

      And thank you sweet friend. I appreciate you!

  5. Oh, Elissa! This tab has been sitting open here in my browser for days because I don't know what say, or how to tell you that you've been in my thoughts and prayers ever since I first read this post. I have no idea how hard this must be for you, but know you're not alone. I'm praying for you, and sending lots of hugs. xx

    1. Aww Jessica. Thank you thank you thank you.

  6. Oh my dear... I am so so sorry that you had to go through this. This pain. This terrible terrible ache that I know so well.
    I don't have the right words, and I know sometimes words are useless in times like this, but I will tell you that I am always here for you, even just as a person to send prayers and virtual hugs.
    And I know this was last year, but I also know how these wounds do not heal quickly.
    I lost my baby brother just two years ago this summer.
    The pain still aches in my heart and my arms that cannot hold him anymore.
    I guess that's all I wanted to say...
    lots of love and prayers,


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