Tuesday, March 1, 2016

the other side of the screen


I sit here curled up in a ball.
Yoga pants and a sweatshirt cover my leotard and tights. 
I stare at this blank page, this blank post.

how do i use my voice? 

One of my goals for 2016 was to be more real. To display the complete package .
Some will view it as a beautiful wrapped present, and others will view it as a crumpled package on the floor. 
It scares me slightly. 

But I also know I long to see the imperfections of others. 
I want to know I'm not alone in my weakness and failures. 
My soul craves the naked truth of the gospel. 

grace.

 I don't try to act like someone I'm not. 
but
I am an A student. 
I am a extrovert (for the most part) and have a inclusive personality. 
I am responsible. 
I volunteer.
I communicate well. 
I avoid conflict.

I also think negatively about people.
I am a gossip. 
I make judgments about people based of their appearance. 
I over commit myself. 

What draws me to people? 
Honesty. 
A sense of 'realness'.
Inclusiveness. 


To be vulnerable, I have to risk facing your judgments of me.
And at some point, that cripples me. 
I need people to like me. 
My blog is designed to show you something you want to read. 
I want you to like my pictures, my writing, heck, even my fonts. 

But are you gaining anything of value from my font? 
Are you going to walk away from your side of the computer screen feeling relationship? 
Feeling you can relate?  

is this stupid? 

I want real.
I want truth.
I want the funny embarrassing stories. 

That's why I tell you about when I peed my paints on a hike. 
That's why I tell you about my nutcracker withdraw sympotoms
It's why I love awkward and awesome.


So I sit, curled up in my safe and cozy chair. Contemplating hitting the publish button.
My cocoon of quietness pushes me to take advantage of this rare moment. 

but will I?

5 comments:

  1. My soul craves the naked truth of the gospel. Amen.

    I relate to this post a lot, Elissa. That's what I'm drawn to as well - honesty, genuineness. I feel like it's become the cultural norm to be fake, to hide who you really are, just in the hope of fitting in, and protecting yourself against getting hurt. It's sad, because it doesn't have to be like that... We're made in God's image, and we're made to shine, to honour Him by who we are, even in our failings.

    Anyway, I'm so glad you hit the publish button, and keep being real here on your blog. It really does make a difference. xx

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    Replies
    1. I am so glad you could relate Jessica! I totally agree- it is the cultural norm to hide in some self-created persona. I do it all the time- not because I''m trying to be someone I'm not, but because it's easier. It's safer. It's more comfortable. It is sad!

      Thanks so much for your encouraging words Jessica- you are a blessing!

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