Saturday, December 21, 2013

christmas blues



                                              
Dear Jayna,
 So Christmas is here, again.
And it comes with party's to go to, gifts to buy, and food to make.
All on top of a room to clean, school to do, and recitals to survive.
Add in friend drama, stomach flu, and a girl who tries to do it all.
And Christmas.....well.....is just kind of there.  Not very much piazza.
        
  God, why is Christmas like this, for me this year? Like, why am I so.....well, kinda depressed.

     And even though I am trying to put on my just keep-going-and-everything-will-be-fine kinda look, stuff just looms there.  Nutcracker was  hard to survive: and I miss you, I miss my aunt, and I miss my Awana leader who died of cancer. it just kind of hangs over me, like a little sadness cloud.

And you know what God, the Lord of the entire universe, has to keep reminding me, his stupid little sheep?
  
                                                   Elissa, it is ok to feel sad.
                                  it is ok to say that things have been a little rough.
                      you are allowed to sit with your feelings. Because your daddy, your
                                        savoir, the one who rescued you from the darkness,
                             Loves you.
you. you you  you  you  you  you  you  you  you  you & you
 
   
You, the girl who yells at her mom.
You, who is mad at your brother for nocking over your nightstand, therefore creating a mess that was never cleaned up.
You, the girl that is jealous at her friends.
You, who is a angry, selfish, stressed, moody, and hormonal human being.
you.

                          I am not very good at remembering that.

And this Christmas, I am feeling God's love. And his amazing, never-stopping, always and forever love.
 And that Jayna, is what this whole Christmas thing is all about.
                                           
                                                Elissa