Friday, September 27, 2013

Nutcracker withdraw symptoms

 Dear Jayna,




So, the Nutcracker season has officially begun.
And being on this side of the picture is incredibly weird.
Not doing it.  Not seeing your own personal name on the cast list.
No screaming, yelling, crying;  no power. 
The cast list has nothing to do with me this year. And the thought of "what would I have gotten?'
has crossed my mind many times, but nothing compared to the number of times the thought, 'what will I get?'  crossed my mind last year. And the year before. And the year before that.
Because when I traveled to the Land of Sweets more Decembers then I hadn't, slowly I began to loose perspective.
When I was in first grade, my very first year in The Nutcracker I was a bon-bon. And the biggest annoyance to me was that I had to wear this little cough drop looking costume. And a matching cough drop baby bonnet that always made me summer salt side ways, instead of straight. That was it. It didn't matter what I got, what others got, or what the teachers thought.
And I want that again Jayna.
I want to enjoy the show. I want to do a nice job. I want my friends to be happy with what they get.
But I cant. Not when I cry myself to sleep after seeing the cast list. Not when I feel jelous at other dancers. Not when I ignore my friends because I care so much about what the teachers think and say.

God brought me to a spot and let me know that it was my choice. And I could put my worth and value in Him, or in some other thing that I have no control over.
 And you know what that choice was, and girl you were one of the biggest things that encouraged me to make the decision. And you so get this.

  So here I am, sitting in the mist of Nutcracker withdraw symptoms.  And it's ok.
 It really is.
                                    Love,
                                                Elissa

4 comments:

  1. Sweet Girl...you are learning the peace of "not being in the spotlight." How wise to know when something becomes TOO important to you...that you must step back and evaluate or stop altogether. Because the person you are inside is so much more important than being a star. I can see that you have learned that. Wow. Big lesson. Wise girl. Keep up the spiritual growth.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for dropping by!! And thank you-- not very fun at the time, but definitely worth it :)

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  2. Awww, I love this post. (Not because you were having a hard time, just because it is so real and shows so much wisdom and perspective.)

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