Wednesday, April 24, 2013

A little thing called hope....

               Dear Jayna,
 Hey, I know you are getting perfect tanning weather at the moment so don't judge me BUT it has been s-u-n-n-y here for the past 3 ish days. Like sunny and warm. And we have been outside swimming and tanning and drinking lemonade. No, not that warm. 65. We have been more like running around from place to place dropping thing 3 here, thing 1 there, thing 2 (me) over there. sigh.
          Honestly; we miss you a lot.
  I keep thinking about all the things we we going to do together; all the things that we had talked about. I know you are not hear and all silly as it sounds, I keep forgetting. Forgetting that I can't go over to your house before ballet. Forgetting that I can't ask you about how your dance is coming along. Forgetting that you can't babysit with me. Forgetting that no, we can't have a sleepover Friday night. Forgetting that you won't be there on Sunday morning. Ugg.
   I tried to imagine what it would be like when you were gone; I couldn't understand what it would be like. But mainly I tried not to think about it. I didn't want to think about all the things we couldn't do, about all the things that you wouldn't be here for, all the hugs that you wouldn't be able to give me. I couldn't imagine what it would be like, and I didn't want to. We had a lot of fun in your last month or so here; we really made the most of it. Sleepovers, extra long phone calls (and we are talking llllooooonnnggg), gifts.  But then all of the sudden you packed up and rolled out of our driveway; for the last time for awhile. And boy oh boy, it didn't seam real. We had just had a 48 hour sleepover (a.k.a crazy fun) and you were about to leave on this exciting trip. It was going to be at times scary: but a lot of fun. We had planed this all out.
        But even though we planed this, it kinda hurts. Kinda a lot.
Like wondering what the heck just happened, kinda hurt.
 But you know what is left?
     Hope that this hurt will heal. 
      That this time of crazyness will pass.
        Hope that your heart will find peace.
         And, most of all hope that God knows what he is doing.
           Cuz He sure better.


  1. I miss you so much :( Good thing I get to see you in just a matter of days!!
    P.S. I'm blog stalking you right now.

    1. Uhhhh, this post is embarrassing. So embarrassing. I am a little scared about what you might find.....


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