Wednesday, April 24, 2013

A little thing called hope....

               Dear Jayna,
 Hey, I know you are getting perfect tanning weather at the moment so don't judge me BUT it has been s-u-n-n-y here for the past 3 ish days. Like sunny and warm. And we have been outside swimming and tanning and drinking lemonade. No, not that warm. 65. We have been more like running around from place to place dropping thing 3 here, thing 1 there, thing 2 (me) over there. sigh.
 
          Honestly; we miss you a lot.
  I keep thinking about all the things we we going to do together; all the things that we had talked about. I know you are not hear and all but......as silly as it sounds, I keep forgetting. Forgetting that I can't go over to your house before ballet. Forgetting that I can't ask you about how your dance is coming along. Forgetting that you can't babysit with me. Forgetting that no, we can't have a sleepover Friday night. Forgetting that you won't be there on Sunday morning. Ugg.
   I tried to imagine what it would be like when you were gone; I couldn't understand what it would be like. But mainly I tried not to think about it. I didn't want to think about all the things we couldn't do, about all the things that you wouldn't be here for, all the hugs that you wouldn't be able to give me. I couldn't imagine what it would be like, and I didn't want to. We had a lot of fun in your last month or so here; we really made the most of it. Sleepovers, extra long phone calls (and we are talking llllooooonnnggg), gifts.  But then all of the sudden you packed up and rolled out of our driveway; for the last time for awhile. And boy oh boy, it didn't seam real. We had just had a 48 hour sleepover (a.k.a crazy fun) and you were about to leave on this exciting trip. It was going to be at times scary: but a lot of fun. We had planed this all out.
           
        But even though we planed this, it kinda hurts. Kinda a lot.
Like wondering what the heck just happened, kinda hurt.
 But you know what is left?
                   
 
 
         
     Hope that this hurt will heal. 
      That this time of crazyness will pass.
        Hope that your heart will find peace.
         And, most of all hope that God knows what he is doing.
           Cuz He sure better.
 
                                  Love
                                          Elissa

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Home is where the heart is




Once upon a time two girls named Jayna and Elissa were having a sleepover. It was about 10:45, the time that mothers start telling you to be quiet, and random silly talk is over for a bit...the time when the tears start to fall as you begin to talk about every hard thing that has ever happened to you, dropping a occasional, 'God showed me this', or 'That is when I realised...'.
But this sleepover was different. It was at a time when a lot was going on in both of our lives; a time of a lot of stress, a lot of worry, a lot of panic, and just a lot of asking,        
"What do I do next?"
I remember Jayna telling me, "I am just so terrified of being the new girl....I am dreading the feeling of walking into a room and knowing no one. I am tired of proving myself again, again, and again.....I don't want to leave! I finally feel like I belong hear, I feel like people know me and I don't have to try to build all new friendships. I know who my, friends are, I know who has my back, I know who loves me and cares about me. I also know who I need to avoid, who is causing drama, and who is just stirring up trouble.
I don't know if I can do this all over again!"

The tears were falling, and I was trying to relate. I was trying to understand what that must be like; and she painted a pretty good picture for me. But honestly, I much as I tried to understand what she was going through I just couldn't. As much as I would have liked to, I couldn't put myself in her shoes. And then she suddenly brushed away a couple of tears, and hopped up out from her sleeping bag and grabbed her ipod saying that she needed to show me something. She got on YouTube and showed me the movie that I have up top, Home by Phillip Phillips, here though it is sung by Britt Nicole a bit of a favorite of Jayna and I...(I am sure you will be hearing more about that latter..) but anyways, the choirs of the song goes,
Settle down, it will all be clear. Don't pay no mind to the demeans they fill you with fear. Trouble it might drag you down; if you get lost you can always be found.  Just know you're not alone. Cuz I'm gonna make this place your home.

This song has really spoken to Jaynas life, as she then told me she had been listening to it a lot lately. But it kinda made me think: you could take it in a literal sense, or you could use a little insight. I know that where ever Jayna goes, whether it be Hawaii or Antarctica God has her in his hands, but is he really going to make every single place home to her?
The more I thought about this, the more I started to wonder about what that song was saying. And I really have come to realise that home is a state of your heart. It isn't a house, it isn't a city and isn't even a country. What? Yep, that was my first thought to. But the more I think about it the more it makes sense to me; according to Wikipedia home is this
A home is a place of residence or refuge

Not a house mind you, but a home. Home is a place of peace, a place of inner calmness. It is a place where everything is on the table, and that is ok. It is a place of residence and refuge. Maybe your house is full of fighting, of bitterness and a place of worry and stress. Maybe the place were you grew up in brings back horrible memory's that you don't want to bring up or is full of people you don't want to see. Even if you, like Jayna, 'home' has been so many places and there really isn't one place that fits the definition of a home. 
But God is really teaching me that even though a lot is going on, and it doesn't always feel that fun, I can come home: home to Him.
 
And you know what? Once I do that, I find peace, inner calmness, openness, and refuge.
And that my friend, is the most amazing feeling of all.
 
Love, Elissa

Monday, April 15, 2013

Welcome!

 Hello!

Welcome to all you people out there in blogging land! I am very new to the whole blogging thing: I have never had a blog, the closest thing that I have ever had to one is keeping the five billion different note books that I try to keep regularly....So please don't expect amazing, profound, pithy writing from me. A more realistic picture of what might be appearing on to this blog is photos, verses, and letters. Lots and lots of letters. Letters?

You see, today my very very dear friend Jayna (J-na is how you say it) moved courtesy of the navy. They are moving to sunny Hawaii from the rainy northwest. Palm trees, tropical fruit, sandy beaches......sigh. But, before we sigh a litte to much over HAWAII and what a amazing change for the better let me just say a couple things.

                    A) moving is moving. No matter how great the place where you are moving you still have to leave and change your way of life. You have to leave all your friends and be the new girl. You have to go through every single thing you own and pack it all up. Then you get to unpack it all. You have  to say good buy to all of the places that you have explored and grown to love. Sounds fun? Think again.


                      B) the northwest isn't that rainy. Maybe Jayna might disagree with me (you can check out her blog at letters-to-elissa.blogspot.com) but honestly it doesn't rain that much. Take Seattle for instance. Everybody thinks of Seattle as cloudy and rainy. Cloudy: yes. Rainy: no. It rains more in New York and LA then it does in Seattle. But don't tell that to the tourists. It keeps them away.


                      C) it is hard being the new girl. Period. But when you move different places where something about you is different then everybody else, it kinda adds to the trauma. Things such as accent, height, clothing, skin colour and just way of life. These things are all in play and for those of you who have lived through moving you know all about this.


  Anyway, as part of Jaynas good buy present she told me that she would keep a blog for me. I had nagged her about that before and so I was thrilled when she told me about it! And so in return, hear I am blogging away. Not really, but you get the picture. E-mails are good, phone calls are great, hand written letters are best; but between family time, conflicting activities, time changes and more, things get a little fuzzy if you know what I mean. But this is something that we can see instantly see when the other person posts,comment on and maybe you can add to the conversation! I do have a tendency to say something along the lines of, "Sorry I haven't been posting, things have been supper crazy...." so I will do my best to have perseverance, but it may be short and sweet at times.

 I hope that you will be able to relate to what we have to say, and please feel free to comment! The one thing that I ask thought is that you be respectful and do not use any writing or pictures without my permission.

                                                             Blessings!
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