Saturday, December 21, 2013

christmas blues

Dear Jayna,
 So Christmas is here, again.
And it comes with party's to go to, gifts to buy, and food to make.
All on top of a room to clean, school to do, and recitals to survive.
Add in friend drama, stomach flu, and a girl who tries to do it all.
And just kind of there.  Not very much piazza.
  God, why is Christmas like this, for me this year? Like, why am I so.....well, kinda depressed.

     And even though I am trying to put on my just keep-going-and-everything-will-be-fine kinda look, stuff just looms there.  Nutcracker was  hard to survive: and I miss you, I miss my aunt, and I miss my Awana leader who died of cancer. it just kind of hangs over me, like a little sadness cloud.

And you know what God, the Lord of the entire universe, has to keep reminding me, his stupid little sheep?
                                                   Elissa, it is ok to feel sad.
                                  it is ok to say that things have been a little rough.
                      you are allowed to sit with your feelings. Because your daddy, your
                                        savoir, the one who rescued you from the darkness,
                             Loves you.
you. you you  you  you  you  you  you  you  you  you & you
You, the girl who yells at her mom.
You, who is mad at your brother for nocking over your nightstand, therefore creating a mess that was never cleaned up.
You, the girl that is jealous at her friends.
You, who is a angry, selfish, stressed, moody, and hormonal human being.

                          I am not very good at remembering that.

And this Christmas, I am feeling God's love. And his amazing, never-stopping, always and forever love.
 And that Jayna, is what this whole Christmas thing is all about.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

The Vine, and the Branches

15 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruitfruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. 17 This is my command: Love each other.

 John 15

Friday, October 25, 2013

shhh, it's a surprise!

Dear Jayna,

Rachel's 16th Birthday party has officially come and gone! And boy oh boy, it was exciting!
It was a surprise party (hence the post title...;p) and it was a h-a-r-d secret to keep.
We had it on a Friday night: the who swim team, home school friends, and anyone else that crossed her mind was invited.
                                                        waiting for the birthday girl


                                                     The banner that Sarah and I made




Sunday, October 20, 2013

How to Make a Ballet Bun

Dear Jayna,

So remember the bun conversation?

Step 1)
First you brush our all of you hair, and spray it lightly with water or a dab of hair spray. Brush this in with your hair: it just helps keep all the little frizzes down.

Step 2)
Brush your hair into a pony tail. This could be any where from low to high depending on where you want the bun, but remember that the hair will spread out 1-2 inches around the pony tail, depending on how long your hair is.

Step 3)
Pull the hair straight away from your head, and twist it

Step 4)
Take the hair and twist it all around in a circle: I always bobby pin as I go

Step 5)
(Optional) Take a hair net and plop it over the bun once, twist the rest around the bun and tuck it in with a bobby pin.

Step 6)
Spray a few puffs of hair spray, and you are ready to go!

P.S. If you would like to make a cimmion roll bun, separate the pony tail in half. Twist and bobby pin down each of the two pieces individually.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

A wet, cold, and rainy baptism

   Dear Jayna,

So on Sunday, I was baptized.
In the rain.
In the cold.
In a mettle horse trough.

 And, let me tell you it wasn't perfect.
It wasn't in some beautiful lake on the island on the perfect summer day.
But it was enough. Enough for me to be crying.
And more then enough for God to do his thing, without me stepping in and telling him how 'we' could do it better.
Because that is what it is about, right?
It is a public decoration that my life is his, and he can do his thing through me. And as you know, (a little to well) that I am far from perfect. I do not wake up every morning and live my life in submission to him. I mess up, I yell at my mom, and I get jealous of other people.
But this spring, God brought me to a place in my life were I needed to change, and he is the only source of the hope that I have today.
I could tell you a whole list of things that would have made it better: but I am truly thankful.
And it would have been amazing if you were there, and I only thought about that five billion times.
But any just want you to know, that I am thinkin about you, and that I hope and pray that this post finds you all right:-)
                                         Love you - Elissa

Friday, September 27, 2013

Nutcracker withdraw symptoms

 Dear Jayna,

So, the Nutcracker season has officially begun.
And being on this side of the picture is incredibly weird.
Not doing it.  Not seeing your own personal name on the cast list.
No screaming, yelling, crying;  no power. 
The cast list has nothing to do with me this year. And the thought of "what would I have gotten?'
has crossed my mind many times, but nothing compared to the number of times the thought, 'what will I get?'  crossed my mind last year. And the year before. And the year before that.
Because when I traveled to the Land of Sweets more Decembers then I hadn't, slowly I began to loose perspective.
When I was in first grade, my very first year in The Nutcracker I was a bon-bon. And the biggest annoyance to me was that I had to wear this little cough drop looking costume. And a matching cough drop baby bonnet that always made me summer salt side ways, instead of straight. That was it. It didn't matter what I got, what others got, or what the teachers thought.
And I want that again Jayna.
I want to enjoy the show. I want to do a nice job. I want my friends to be happy with what they get.
But I cant. Not when I cry myself to sleep after seeing the cast list. Not when I feel jelous at other dancers. Not when I ignore my friends because I care so much about what the teachers think and say.

God brought me to a spot and let me know that it was my choice. And I could put my worth and value in Him, or in some other thing that I have no control over.
 And you know what that choice was, and girl you were one of the biggest things that encouraged me to make the decision. And you so get this.

  So here I am, sitting in the mist of Nutcracker withdraw symptoms.  And it's ok.
 It really is.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Interesting ballet thoughts

 Dear Jayna,                   

 First of all, I am not sure how interesting this is actually going to be. Just a warning. So in case you were wondering, my pointe shoes are on there way out. They are soft and my legs are doing a lot of work for them witch is not quite as fun.. also, I am restraining myself from buying any new dance wear with the exception of pointe shoes until my birthday. I am thinking of a gift along the lines of Wear Moi if you know what I am talking about:-) Oh, ballet fashion trend: trash bag pants. This is not so much of a trend because they are extremely ugly. But apparently they are really nice to warm up in or for staying warm.  Not much, just a quick little note!

Monday, August 12, 2013

Three updates

Dear Jayna- First of all I have news. Last night my mom said not to ever tell any one that they are not crazy. I dont know about you, but when you hear somthing like that come out of your parents mouth it kinda makes me think that maybe just maybe they were teenagers once. But that is beside the point. The point is (for heavens sake, every time I wrote point I spelled it pointe. Ballet is taking over my brain...)that they bought plane tickets to see my moms friend and her family in North Carolina on Wendsday. Wendsday! Wow. Very, very soon. And that is why they are just a tad bit crazy......:-) Next, Nutcracker casting is coming very fast as well. And gess my friend the wonderfull day Mr. Weaver picked for this blessed event? Friday the 13!!!!!!! F-r-i-d-a-y t-h-e 1-3-t-h. I am not making any sweeping statments about how it will go or anything, but for heavens sake. He could have picked a better day. And third of all, just in case you are ever wondering, Switchfoot is a very good band to listen to when trying to clean. Just sayin. Elissa

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Britt Nicole just made my day. agian.

Dear Jayna,

  love love is coming through your headphones
So I was about to melt to itunes crazy price of  $9.99.
  love, love, lllooovvveee, is coming through your headphones
But then I was at the Christian book store and low and behold there was The Lost Get Found for -hold your breath- $4. Four!
  whoa oh oh oh-oh, its coming through your headphones
My week has been made! And it isn't always coming through my headphones- but it certainly is coming through the car, CD player, computer, ipod:)

Friday, July 5, 2013

My love/hate affair

Dear Jayna,

Now, I really am a nice person. I try not to use the you know what word all the time.
You know..........h-a-t-e.
But there are times in my life (a.k.a. the times when my pointe shoe related hormones start acting up) that my mouth starts bad mouthing my brain. Let me explain.

  I L-O-V-E pointe shoes. Love them! Grishkos, Blochs, Sanshas, Capezios, you name it I'll take it. The lines that they create is something pretty amazing. And what on earth could be more ballerina-ish then pointe shoes? And boy oh boy, don't even get me started on when you get your first pair of pointe shoes! I mean, you have seen me when I buy a new pair and get in the car with them........please do not post any embarrassing comments. What happens outside of The Dance Shop, stays outside of The Dance Shop. Anyhoo all that being said, shall we conclude? I love pointe shoes!
But sometimes they can be nothing else then a big pain in the you know what. Lets start at the beginning.

  1.  The beginning of the cycle is really the end of it: it all starts when your last pair dies, or something goes wrong making then un-danceable. This is when you approach your mother in a very, very, very, kind and understanding way. You say things like, "I hope you know how much I really love dancing" or "I know how much money, time and energy you and Dad put into my ballet training. I hope you know how thankfull I am." Next, you mention how long the pair you have has lasted. No matter how long they have lasted always talk about someone in your school who goes through them faster. And if you really blow through the shoes and have no one to talk about? Say something about how the girls in dance companies go through a couple pairs a show. This is always a good time to remind your parents that there is somthing to be thankful for. Sometimes they forget that when this little chat happens. Now is the time to drop the bomb. Remember how much your feet hurt when dancing in dead pointe shoes. Keeping this front and center in your mind will help you to stay strong. "Mom, I think it is time to get some new pointe shoes." deep breath. Next no matter what happens remind your parent that you are saving a lot of money my ordering them. This always seems to help. Even though my parents are pretty understanding, this is usually my lest favorite step. Whew. Got that over with. Until next month..........
  2. After you have gotten the pointe shoes and sewn them up and everything, you have to break them in. Now I usually have bad luck with this because more often then not something really important seams to be going on when I have rock hard shoes. So this is when I get all my cough-blisters-ahem callouses.
  3. This, my friends is when my love affair happens. The pointe shoes are perfectly hard,or perfectly soft, or perfectly in the middle. You have supper powers in your feet after breaking those darn things in. Sigh. True love.....
  4. Next they start going down hill. This step is kinda hard to notice sotimes because you might still br entranced by step number 3. But don't be fobbed of, because there day of doom is coming silently but violently.
  5. This is the the class that your teacher comes up to you and says, "Do you have any new shoes?" You knew it was coming, but you didn't do anything about it. And after those words leave her mouth, it is nothing but bad luck. You are falling out of every thing, tripping over things, running into people and getting very frustrated. My friend, we are back to step number one.


 But at the end of the day, when I look in the mirror and see this I smile. Because it really is worth it.


Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Ballet, Tap, And All That Jazz!

 Dear Jayna,
How has life been? B-U-S-Y.
Why? Because our recital is N-E-X-T  W-E-E-K.
I am feeling very calm, because we have had our dances finished for a very long time and they are all ready cleaned up, and ready to go.  not really.

I am at the point where I am dreaming about every possible thing that could (and couldn't for that matter) happen, and trying to get ballet slippers washed, lost jazz shoes found, costumes together and hung up, lists of things to bring made, thank you cards and gifts being bought. Trying to get that in between classes, rehearsal, and a little thing called life:)

  My new pointe shoes!! Mirella Advanced.:)


Sunday, May 26, 2013

A Thank You

                    Memorial Day.

A day to remember.
A day to look back.
A day to honor.
A day to remember that freedom isn't free.
A day to say thank you.

Thank you for serving.
Thank you for making countless moves.
Thank you for facing new people.
Thank you for facing packing.
Thank you for sharing your heart.
We love you!


Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Martha Stewart Fever Hits

         Dear Jayna,
  Martha Stewart fever hit! My inner crafty side is coming hard and the joy of my fellow family members. You see, the thing about me is whenever I start to clean I start to get a little distracted with how cute this would look, or how the furniture would look great like this, or how I should start organizing my scrap booking stuff, ect. So when I took of on the great event of cleaning my room, I was ready. Ok, maybe I was a little more ready then usual because I had already partly cleaned my room a few days before, but never finished the job. Anyways, that confession is over with. So I turned on my Britt Nicole and cleaned my little heart out. So maybe there really wasn't that much to be done, but it was all that little clutter that you are not really sure what to do that got me a little side tracked. But after I got most everything cleaned up, I started to make my bed and you know that old fuzzy green pillow that is on my bed? Well, lately, that really has been rubbing me in the wrong way. (getting green fuzz all over my bed, looking limp, and I finally came to to terms with the fact that it really doesn't match the rest of the room) So, I have had this supper cute fabric that I hadn't done anything with so I decided to take out the stuffing and reuse it and make some cute throw pillows. Cheap? yes. Creative? I would like to think. Crafty? you could say so. Cute? you bet. (ok, so maybe I am running out of C words) They look great! I used a sewing machine and they really didn't take that long. Here are the pictures.

 my green pillow in the middle of surgery

the pillows:)

The sad little green pillow

Tell me what you think!

Sunday, May 19, 2013

You know you are a dancer when....

A few others...

  When you cut your hair, and wonder what your bun will look like.

   When the term "floor barre" makes you want to cry

  When you cant sit still when you hear music
   When your new favorite song equals your new favorite dance routine

  When you laugh at a non-dancer when they say there feet hurt.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

a hard thing to get over....

We had sleeping Beauty rehearsal last night........he-he-he.
 The prince....oh my my my.
   Before I go any further let me explain to you a little bit; our dance school isn't a small one but we do seem to have a shortage of boys. There are about 300 enrolled students and out of that there are about 3 (4?) boys. So our princes, cavilers, girl lifters are boys from the high school drama club. They do a pretty good job, and it is a LOT of time they have to put into it. But they really don't dance that much; they just kinda walk around lifting and posing. People ask me this all the time whenever the whole thing gets talked about,
                              "Do they have to wear tights?"

 They didn't, until a new managing director came along. And that was a sad day for the boys of the high school drama department.

      Anyways Jayna, back to the point. Our handsome prince was wearing pair of tights.
And well, this is kinda TMI but they kept kinda riding up in the back; coming together at a point if you are catching my waft. He kept pulling the and adjusting them but oh-no, they were not staying put.
"And one, and two, and, no, no. It is AND one, AND, two, AD- stop pulling on your tights!"
"Ok, start again"
"And one, and two, AND three, and lift your heads- and STOP TOUCHING THE TIGHTS!"
 'shake head'
"Let me tell you something. When the girls are dancing they are not always tucking in ribbons, pulling up leotards, and bobby pins. And you should not be doing that ether. Do you understand?"
*giggle goes around*
"Yes sir."
"Ok, start again. And one, AND two......"

    I guess if you are a guy you just kinda have to get used to them. Check out this video:

                                          I guess it is just the way the cookie crumbles.

Saturday, May 4, 2013

A note

     Dear Jayna,

So the sun came out today! And guess what? 70!!!!
  Art walk was yesterday, and that went very well. Two of the teachers had tears in their eyes; that explains a lot. The girls were kind, and it was a lot of fun, but boy oh boy did it smell HORRIBLE back in the dressing room. It was a bit of a combination of smelly, smelly, smelly armpits and one girls perfume (the girl will not be named; she already suffered for her repeated actions) Your old teacher came back to put a couple tu-tus on the shelf and I was sure she was about to pass out; she walked in and stoped rather quickly. She placed her hand very primly over her mouth and walked over a couple changing/stretching body's and rather faintly said, "Well girls; it is rather thick back hear." "           's perfume, and it is so hot, and we are supper sweaty" "I see." And she removed herself out of there fast. A dress came apart, I have one war wound (aka blister) but other then that things were normal. 

I laid out in the sun today for a while doing nothing, and came in with a bit of a tan. I heard that you are sick; that is no fun! I hope you feel better soon. Are you guys almost done with school?

               Love you, and enjoy the sun!

Friday, May 3, 2013

A reminder

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won't turn back
I know you are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth


Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

A little thing called hope....

               Dear Jayna,
 Hey, I know you are getting perfect tanning weather at the moment so don't judge me BUT it has been s-u-n-n-y here for the past 3 ish days. Like sunny and warm. And we have been outside swimming and tanning and drinking lemonade. No, not that warm. 65. We have been more like running around from place to place dropping thing 3 here, thing 1 there, thing 2 (me) over there. sigh.
          Honestly; we miss you a lot.
  I keep thinking about all the things we we going to do together; all the things that we had talked about. I know you are not hear and all silly as it sounds, I keep forgetting. Forgetting that I can't go over to your house before ballet. Forgetting that I can't ask you about how your dance is coming along. Forgetting that you can't babysit with me. Forgetting that no, we can't have a sleepover Friday night. Forgetting that you won't be there on Sunday morning. Ugg.
   I tried to imagine what it would be like when you were gone; I couldn't understand what it would be like. But mainly I tried not to think about it. I didn't want to think about all the things we couldn't do, about all the things that you wouldn't be here for, all the hugs that you wouldn't be able to give me. I couldn't imagine what it would be like, and I didn't want to. We had a lot of fun in your last month or so here; we really made the most of it. Sleepovers, extra long phone calls (and we are talking llllooooonnnggg), gifts.  But then all of the sudden you packed up and rolled out of our driveway; for the last time for awhile. And boy oh boy, it didn't seam real. We had just had a 48 hour sleepover (a.k.a crazy fun) and you were about to leave on this exciting trip. It was going to be at times scary: but a lot of fun. We had planed this all out.
        But even though we planed this, it kinda hurts. Kinda a lot.
Like wondering what the heck just happened, kinda hurt.
 But you know what is left?
     Hope that this hurt will heal. 
      That this time of crazyness will pass.
        Hope that your heart will find peace.
         And, most of all hope that God knows what he is doing.
           Cuz He sure better.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Home is where the heart is

Once upon a time two girls named Jayna and Elissa were having a sleepover. It was about 10:45, the time that mothers start telling you to be quiet, and random silly talk is over for a bit...the time when the tears start to fall as you begin to talk about every hard thing that has ever happened to you, dropping a occasional, 'God showed me this', or 'That is when I realised...'.
But this sleepover was different. It was at a time when a lot was going on in both of our lives; a time of a lot of stress, a lot of worry, a lot of panic, and just a lot of asking,        
"What do I do next?"
I remember Jayna telling me, "I am just so terrified of being the new girl....I am dreading the feeling of walking into a room and knowing no one. I am tired of proving myself again, again, and again.....I don't want to leave! I finally feel like I belong hear, I feel like people know me and I don't have to try to build all new friendships. I know who my, friends are, I know who has my back, I know who loves me and cares about me. I also know who I need to avoid, who is causing drama, and who is just stirring up trouble.
I don't know if I can do this all over again!"

The tears were falling, and I was trying to relate. I was trying to understand what that must be like; and she painted a pretty good picture for me. But honestly, I much as I tried to understand what she was going through I just couldn't. As much as I would have liked to, I couldn't put myself in her shoes. And then she suddenly brushed away a couple of tears, and hopped up out from her sleeping bag and grabbed her ipod saying that she needed to show me something. She got on YouTube and showed me the movie that I have up top, Home by Phillip Phillips, here though it is sung by Britt Nicole a bit of a favorite of Jayna and I...(I am sure you will be hearing more about that latter..) but anyways, the choirs of the song goes,
Settle down, it will all be clear. Don't pay no mind to the demeans they fill you with fear. Trouble it might drag you down; if you get lost you can always be found.  Just know you're not alone. Cuz I'm gonna make this place your home.

This song has really spoken to Jaynas life, as she then told me she had been listening to it a lot lately. But it kinda made me think: you could take it in a literal sense, or you could use a little insight. I know that where ever Jayna goes, whether it be Hawaii or Antarctica God has her in his hands, but is he really going to make every single place home to her?
The more I thought about this, the more I started to wonder about what that song was saying. And I really have come to realise that home is a state of your heart. It isn't a house, it isn't a city and isn't even a country. What? Yep, that was my first thought to. But the more I think about it the more it makes sense to me; according to Wikipedia home is this
A home is a place of residence or refuge

Not a house mind you, but a home. Home is a place of peace, a place of inner calmness. It is a place where everything is on the table, and that is ok. It is a place of residence and refuge. Maybe your house is full of fighting, of bitterness and a place of worry and stress. Maybe the place were you grew up in brings back horrible memory's that you don't want to bring up or is full of people you don't want to see. Even if you, like Jayna, 'home' has been so many places and there really isn't one place that fits the definition of a home. 
But God is really teaching me that even though a lot is going on, and it doesn't always feel that fun, I can come home: home to Him.
And you know what? Once I do that, I find peace, inner calmness, openness, and refuge.
And that my friend, is the most amazing feeling of all.
Love, Elissa

Monday, April 15, 2013



Welcome to all you people out there in blogging land! I am very new to the whole blogging thing: I have never had a blog, the closest thing that I have ever had to one is keeping the five billion different note books that I try to keep regularly....So please don't expect amazing, profound, pithy writing from me. A more realistic picture of what might be appearing on to this blog is photos, verses, and letters. Lots and lots of letters. Letters?

You see, today my very very dear friend Jayna (J-na is how you say it) moved courtesy of the navy. They are moving to sunny Hawaii from the rainy northwest. Palm trees, tropical fruit, sandy beaches......sigh. But, before we sigh a litte to much over HAWAII and what a amazing change for the better let me just say a couple things.

                    A) moving is moving. No matter how great the place where you are moving you still have to leave and change your way of life. You have to leave all your friends and be the new girl. You have to go through every single thing you own and pack it all up. Then you get to unpack it all. You have  to say good buy to all of the places that you have explored and grown to love. Sounds fun? Think again.

                      B) the northwest isn't that rainy. Maybe Jayna might disagree with me (you can check out her blog at but honestly it doesn't rain that much. Take Seattle for instance. Everybody thinks of Seattle as cloudy and rainy. Cloudy: yes. Rainy: no. It rains more in New York and LA then it does in Seattle. But don't tell that to the tourists. It keeps them away.

                      C) it is hard being the new girl. Period. But when you move different places where something about you is different then everybody else, it kinda adds to the trauma. Things such as accent, height, clothing, skin colour and just way of life. These things are all in play and for those of you who have lived through moving you know all about this.

  Anyway, as part of Jaynas good buy present she told me that she would keep a blog for me. I had nagged her about that before and so I was thrilled when she told me about it! And so in return, hear I am blogging away. Not really, but you get the picture. E-mails are good, phone calls are great, hand written letters are best; but between family time, conflicting activities, time changes and more, things get a little fuzzy if you know what I mean. But this is something that we can see instantly see when the other person posts,comment on and maybe you can add to the conversation! I do have a tendency to say something along the lines of, "Sorry I haven't been posting, things have been supper crazy...." so I will do my best to have perseverance, but it may be short and sweet at times.

 I hope that you will be able to relate to what we have to say, and please feel free to comment! The one thing that I ask thought is that you be respectful and do not use any writing or pictures without my permission.

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