Sunday, January 15, 2017

err, do y'all have questions//potential vlog

you guys, I think I'm going to make a vlog Q&A.
I know.
*everyone collectively rolls their eyes because the bandwagon has already left the station*
^^I'm not really sure what the "bandwagon has left the station" means but it sounds right so......

So if you've ever wanted to ask me why I talk a lot or if I sleep with socks on or off, now is your golden opportunity! Seriously, leave questions in the comments below.

Also, if you wanna watch some awesome bloggers vlogs check out:

Olivia from summer of 1999: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_pQKa3El4ys 
Abbie for Abbiee: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02IK_g7rU9k
Vanessa from Simply Me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGkGqy1afSw
Grace from Totally Graced: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJUnDmPvc94

happy sunday!

Saturday, January 7, 2017

the unspoken anniversaries


Sometimes days come that we don't want to acknowledge.
They may sneak up on us;
or maybe they shout out their coming arrival.
Whatever the case may be, the calender still turns.
The memories of days past still come.
And these memories we face become anniversaries.

Anniversaries of things that can't be mentioned in chit-chat.
Memories that are held close,
stored deeply in our very being.

We're not to talk with strangers about these things.
Sometimes, we can't talk with anyone about these anniversaries,
these feelings.

But the days arrive and the thoughts unpack.
The sun rises in order that we might live through this.
We convince ourselves that we are meant to walk through these anniversaries alone,
although nothing could be further from the truth.

So when the day arrives, stand tall.
Look it in the eye.
Gather your troops- friends, chocolate, movies, family, journals, phone calls- whoever they are.
Let them walk the day with you.
For you, dear one,
are not meant to face these days alone.

Thursday, December 29, 2016

happenings of late


Heyo!

I'm really sorry for my lack of content lately. December has been filled with non-stop dance, and school, and dance and school and dance and school and school and dance. and school. 
The collage search and SATs are beginning to breathe down my neck and so be honest, it's so overwhelming. I've been asked approximately fifty thousand times about my "after high school plans" during this holiday season and I really have nothing to say. I have so many ideas and interests, but I'm struggling to balance reality and dreams.

To be honest, this semester has been nothing I hoped it would be. I'm taking hard classes, but I micromanaged my schedule in September so that it would be manageable. I'm on a good track and I was trying to hard to be ahead of the game, to be prepared and responsible. But then all of the sudden I'm poking at food, staring at text books without seeing a word, and laying awake at three in the morning. Everyone is done with their shallow, public sobs. And we are left missing.

There have been two adult suicides in our little town within the past two weeks. Two. I fight fear of another phone call. Things bring me back to those horrible moments. But I'm looking for beautiful. I'm searching
searching
searching
for hope and the light of Jesus in this time.

The simple things remind me that I cannot do any of this on my own strength- that I need help constantly. My actions need grace. My studies needs perseverance. My relationships need Jesus. And in all reality, this isn't a bad place to be. Because it's in my complete and utter broken and emptiness that I realize my need for a savior.

So this is where I'm at. Thanks for sticking around with me- I really appreciate you guys:)
Also, check out my updated other good stuff page and my latest post on BURNING YOUTH.

much love//elissa

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

letter to the hurting


Hey you-
you who are brave and strong,
yet also hurting and wondering.

you who is crumbling while the world smiles at you emptily,
acting like you are broken in this season of joy.

hey you-
I know it feels like you're alone and everything is falling apart.
I know it your heart is being stabbed over and over and over.
But I also know that it gets better.

I know you want a magic answer to make it okay in a second;
it sucks, because there isn't.
But all this?
It does get better.

These dark clouds will pass.
The sun will shine.
This is a season, not a life sentence.

So please please please
know you are loved
realize that you have so many plans to accomplish
look for people fighting for you.
Because it does it get better.
It totally gets better.



Monday, December 5, 2016

finding warmth in the darkness


I've built walls.
I've hidden skeletons and covered scars.
my walls are tall and strong;
they're ready to be torn down.

He wispers to me,
elissa, let me tear down your walls

but I am naked.
I am ashamed.

He says,
I have loved you at your darkest

I struggle to hear these words.
for I don't understand this amazing grace.

He calls me perfect,
beautiful child

yet I grip to guilt
and lies

He validates my pain,
and holds me tight.

my heart beats.
walls begin to melt.
a gift was given
 and darkness has no home.

I sit with this wonderful counselor.
the giver of all peace.

and I am held.
I am clothed in grace.
I am safe.
I am warm.
for today, I am held.

so I challenge you;
approach the king,
scared and broken.
for he knows your name,
and is ready to release you from all guilt and shame.
you are loved,
you perfect,
beautiful child.

please sit.
rest.
be covered.

for you are precious and held,
and today,
you will find warmth in your God.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

still good


when the sun starts to rise and I open my eyes
You are good, 
so good

in the heat of the day with each stone that I lay
You are good

with every breath I take in-
I'll tell You I am grateful again

for when the moon climbs high before each kiss goodnight
You are good

when the road starts to turn around each bend I've learned
You are good, 
so good

and when somebody's hand holds me up, helps me stand
You are so good

with every breath I take in
I'll tell You I'm grateful again
'cause it's more than enough just to know I am loved
for I know You are good

so, how can I thank You?
what can I bring?
what can these poor hands lay at the feet of my King?

I'll sing You a love song, 
it's all that I have.
I'll tell you I'm grateful 
for you are holding my life in Your hands

but when it's dark and it's cold,
 and I can't feel my soul
You are so good,
still good.

when the world is gone gray and the rain is here to stay
You are still good

And the storm may swell 
yet even then
It is well and 
You are, 
so good

{paraphrase from the song You Are Good, by Nichole Nordman}

Monday, October 24, 2016

I want a band-aid


My mind is a mess
turning
turning
turning

Swiched on at 3:00am,
yet of at 11:00am.

I want someone to put a band-aid on me.
Fix this mess.
Tape it back together.

But the second someone talks about how
God has a reason for everything
or
Just be thankful for the things you do have
or
Something good is going to happen

I freeze.

Not because I don't know these words to be true,
or because they aren't said sincerely enough.

I know those things are true.

I'm just not ready for them.
I'm not ready for the world to move on,
and act like nothing happened.

I'm trying to function like a normal human being,
but I'm struggling.

I'm struggling because I want tape and glue.
I want someone to say something that fixes me.
I want God to make my world perfect and happy and unicorns and rainbows.
I want the band-aid.

But you know what?
I don't get the tape and glue.
I don't get an easy out.

We get feelings that demand to be felt.
We get people that love us, and are willing to listen.
We get support groups.
We get the dirty and the messy.
The ugly and the broken.

I'm humbled in my need for Jesus.
Because oh, how I need him.
I need him to hold me and protect my fragile heart.
I need him to give me words.
I need his grace and forgiveness.
I need him to be a rock that is higher than I.


Because someday, he will make all things new.

We aren't going to be broken fragments, glued back together.
There will be no more pain and sadness.

For the God of all heaven and earth will wipe away every tear from every eye.
And all things will be made new.

So today, I get the broken.
But I know that someday I will get the beautiful.