Sunday, March 26, 2017

don't be a victim [thoughts on love/attention neediness]


Sometimes we sit and watch other people take attention.
They take take take.
And usually it's justified,
but sometimes it's not.

Nerveless, we watch.
And sometimes, I want/need some of that love too.
So I silently begin to feel hurt.
I harbor resentment on why no-one reads my mind.
Why no one-cares enough to give me love and attention.

But that's exactly it-
people aren't mind readers.
Your friends are all psychologists,
analyzing your every finger twitch,

So please, let's stop being victims.
Stop watching
and being sad
and feeling hurt and alone.

Stand up, you strong and valuable woman,
For you are absolutely worthy of love and attention-
your heavenly father hears your every ache.
You are loved.
You are valuable.
And you are absolutely not alone.
  

Thursday, March 16, 2017

hey there tired soul

hey there tired soul.
these days are long, jam packed with routine and deadlines.
coffee is frequent, sleep is not.
and we pull ourselves together.
and it goes
on
and on
and on.

so, you tired soul,
take a breath.
come on, just do it.
in through your nostrils.
now out through your mouth.

one more time.

feel that?

your hearts still beating,
waiting to hear the next chapter.
your lungs still fill,
giving you what you need to take the next breath.
and God is still good,
holding you tight,
you tired, weary soul. 

Thursday, March 9, 2017

rain

the rain drips down
drowning out sound
filling the holes
hiding the moles
making me feel old.
old and cold and soggy and groggy.

drip
drip
plop.

plop
drip
drop.

drop
plop
drip.

round
and down
and all with out sound
my mind pounds
and thounds
waiting to drown
the confusion that keeps going round and round

Sunday, March 5, 2017

things that make me happy


flowers
chocolate cupcakes
painted nails
a new week in my planner
hot coffee
rain
honest conversations
jeans
dancing
pea coats
big smiles
other people's joy
cozy gatherings
quiet
plum & grey

//////////////////////////////////////
spending moments remembering that happiness is the result of surroundings,
but joy is the understanding of who God is and what he has done.

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

i need some help!

heyo beautiful peoples of the interweb-

I need some advice.
I'm doing some research about being a "church kid" and I want your ideas and opinions!
Tell me:
1) what's the fist thing that crosses your mind when I say "church kid"?
2) what (from your experience) is the hardest part about growing up as a church kid?
3) anything else you want to say about the topic!!

thanks so much!!!!
xxoxo

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

hey God, it's me, elissa.


Why can't I just learn all the life lessons already?
Like, seriously God.
All this waiting and unknown is getting kinda old; can't you just tell me what you're thinking?

I know dependence on you is a good lesson and all, but I was kind of hoping to be done with it by now.

Maybe we could move on to joy?
Or, say, faithfulness?
I could settle for a real good conviction on teaching Sunday school twice a month, as opposed to once a month.

God, I'd appreciate some clear "how to" manuals, if that isn't too much to ask.
Yeah, the Bible is awesome and all...
but I'm not exactly finding the answers I was looking for.

You see, I was looking for closure on some trauma.
I looked and it told me that trauma is part of the broken world,
and you hold me in every situation.

I was hoping you could take my guilt from me,
but the Bible said that I needed to lay it at your feet.

I asked about a situation that I would like to stay silent in
 (hint: I was looking for some backup)
But then the Bible said something about speaking truth loudly, which wasn't exactly the answer I was looking for.

So okay, fine.
 I'll try to learn grace and contentment and peace and self-sacrifice.
I'll remember: your will. not mine. 

But if you happen to change your mind, feel free to drop of that instruction manual.
It's the second mailbox.  

Thursday, February 9, 2017

being raw in a pulled-together world




In all reality, the past few weeks have contained long, hard days.
Teary, emotional, gut wrenching, make you want to hide-in-a-hole-for-no-apparent-reason kinda days.
I sat in my car and screamed between sobs.
I vocalized questions that I will never know the answers to.



And then suddenly the earth is covered in a sparkling white blanket.
Everything was canceled.
People were stuck.
And all I could do was stare out of the snow globe,
sip coco and Facebook stalk.

Sit in the quiet.
Breathe a little.
Put on my smartwool.
And remember that it's necessary to stop and breathe.

Because at some point,
I've got to postpone putting my big-girl pants on.
Stop pulling it together.
Open the bottled emotion. 



I had a meltdown over the phone a few days ago.
And as I hung up, I told myself that the meltdown was over.
get it together Elissa
everything's fine and I'm just being hormonal.

But I think I was wrong.
I'm learning that I have to stop constantly pulling-it-together,
and allow myself to be a little raw.

Friends, this is me being raw.
I usually like to write posts a safe distance away from the uncomfortable, so I can wrap it in a pretty bow for you.
I try to give resolution and show God's hand.

But life doesn't always have immediate resolution.
And I think it's so so so important to remember that God's hand is in both the pretty and the dirty, whether we see it or not.

So I'm gonna try be a little raw for a while.
I'm going to talk about it.
I'm going to remember that
God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; 
God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 
God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, (1 corth. 1:27-28)
I challenge you to do the same.