Friday, January 5, 2018

fly bird fly

I watched some birds today.

Clusters of black against the grey-blue sky.

There were two flocks, relatively far apart: one in a line, the others in a messy V.  

Gliding, chasing, flapping they raced and enjoyed the air 

Then I saw three break away from the V, flapping as hard as they could that they might join the others in a line. 

The wind was blowing blowing blowing and they were flapping flapping flapping, stuck in a current. 

I watched these three birds flap their birdie behinds off. 

Yet they were stuck in the in between. 

I kept waiting for them to turn back to their old flock. 

I watched thinking they would slow down to realize their old flock was still closer then the other birds.

But they didn't. 

The three little birds flap flap flapped. 

They didn't look back, losing their aerodynamics. 

They just kept fighting. 

I watched them fly for a long while before they finally made it to the new flock. 

I found a strange connection to the birds flying high. 

Monday, January 1, 2018

simple analogies + complex feelings

simple analogies
rising sun
clean page

complex feelings
in the dark
trying to listen
not ready to let go

I try to face the new year as social media would like me to: inspired, energized, ready to kick butt.
But how do you prepare for God's story?
His narrative?

I've spent the past eighteen years of my life training. I've spent hours doing school, dancing, studying, playing music, singing, acting, talking, listening, learning.
Learning learning learning.

I've learned that my job is to listen.

Yet I'm told to plan this blank page of a year.
Take control.
Make my dreams happen.
Run ahead at full force.


Those are horrible resolutions.

but I will quiet my planner self.
I will breathe in and find rest.
and I will wait.

I will wait for Him to make sense of these simple analogies + complex feelings

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

sometimes I eat chocolate cake for lunch

Sometimes I eat chocolate cake for lunch because I really love chocolate cake.

Sometimes I wake up at 4:30am and clean my room because I can't sleep.

Sometimes I don't brush my teeth before bed because I'm disgusting.

Sometimes I say I can't go to your birthday party, just because I hate birthday parties.

Sometimes I go through my sisters texts.

Sometimes I cry in my car because no one can hear me and I get weird.

Sometimes I read my text but don't replay for an embarrassing amount of time.


Sometimes I write embarrassing things on my blog to make you feel a little less alone.
[and maybe laugh]

q: what do you do sometimes?

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

blogging stage fright

Welp, this is embarrassing.

Please excuse my horrible posting.

Although  I don't really have a awesome excuse, I will try to muster something.
Here we go:

1. I was five things in Nutcracker. Five. I was onstage alllll theee time and it was amazing and magical. But it also required a lot of rehearsal and energy.

2. The whole senior thing is really kicking my butt. I totally had this idea that senior year was going to be relaxing and fun and I would spend lots of time with my friends and blah blah blah. No. Collage applications require writing all your information down fifty million times, typing beautiful and original essays, sending in videos of flawless talking and dancing, on top of countless emails and phone calls. Like I seriously did not realize how much time researching and applying for collages took. I also didn't realize that my schoolwork would continue to increase in intensity. I would be happy to write (coughcoughcomplain) more in another post if you're interest in hearing my expanded soap opera. Just let me know ;-)

3. I'm scared to be less than perfect.

Blogging has been hard lately. Yes, I've been busy, but seriously, what else is new?
I have stuff to say.
I have half-written thoughts.

But those thoughts get shot down by my desire to get the words just right.
My need for thoughts to be perfectly cohesive.
My ideas 'right' and clear.

So I'm embarrassed.

I'm embarrassed because I've tried to write this post but then I write it and it sucks.

I'm embarrassed because all the sudden I have blogging stage fright.

So here I am hoping I'll hit publish to this grammatically incorrect, confusingly formatted and completely ridiculous post.
Because if I'm really going to be authentic, you'll really know-
I'm not perfect, and neither is this blog.   

Saturday, November 25, 2017

counting stars

count them.
little things.
big things.

number your blessings.
watch them grow.
observe last months struggle,
join the list.

the blessing
of gratitude
out numbers
the stars

Monday, November 6, 2017

stop settling + rise

stop settling.
stop letting the options of others become your own.
stop being content when your heart of hearts is telling you to fly.

so stop it.
take a breath in-
seriously, do it.

Be brave.
Be kind.
 but don't settle for less than the life you were created for.

you were created to amazing things-
things more complex and wonderful than you can imagine!

but dear friend, it's gonna take courage to get there.
it's gonna take every last breath.
you're gonna have to look fear in the face.
and it's going to be hard.

but you will rise.
you will fight.
you overcome.

and it's going to be worth it.
it's going to exceed your wildest dreams.
it's going to be bigger than you think.

so friend, stop settling and rise.

Sunday, October 29, 2017

a prayer for autumn days

God of the seasons, there is a time for everything;
there is a time for dying and a time for rising.
We need courage to enter into the transformation process.

God of autumn, the trees are saying goodbye
to their green, letting go of what has been.
We, too, have our moments of surrender, with all their insecurity and risk.
Help us to let go when we need to do so.

God of fallen leaves lying in colored patterns on
the ground, our lives have their own patterns.
As we see the patterns of our own growth, may we learn from them.

God of misty days and harvest moon nights, there is always
the dimension of mystery and wonder in our lives.
We always need to recognize your power-filled presence.
May we gain strength from this.

God of harvest wagons and fields of ripened grain, many gifts
of growth lie within the season of our surrender.
We must wait for harvest in faith and hope.
Grant us patience when we do not see the blessings.

God of geese going south for another season, your wisdom enables
us to know what needs to be left behind and what needs to be carried into the future.
We yearn for insight and vision.

God of flowers touched with frost and windows wearing white designs,
may your love keep our hearts from growing cold in the empty seasons.

God of life, you believe in us, you enrich us,
you entrust us with the freedom to choose life.
For all this, we are grateful.

This prayer is written by Sr. Joyce Rupp, OSM. She is amazing amazing amazing. 
I would highly encourage you to look up her writings and books! 
This has spoken to me in the past week, and I thought I would share it with you guys <3 
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